Fanboys Anonymous

Over the years, the Star Wars story has changed many times. Once, it was a tale from the Journal of the Whills about characters like The Starkiller family (Kane, Deak and Annikin) along with General Luke Skywalker, Clieg Whitsun, Governor Crispin Hoedaack and more. Eventually, it became what it is today. But even when the first film came out, it was clear that the audience was being dropped into a world that had already been lived in, but we weren't privy to all the details. What were the Clone Wars? How did the Jedi go extinct? What the hell got into those Tusken Raiders to make them so grumpy? (We would later find out it's likely because they're Sand People and sand gets everywhere.)

Claim as much as he wants that he's had plans all along, obviously George Lucas has made some things up along the way, as evidenced by the kiss between Luke and Leia in The Empire Strikes Back despite being brother and sister. Either they weren't siblings until Episode VI or Lucas has some weird issues to work out. But when the prequel films came out, some big twists were thrown into the mix. The story suddenly shifted massively with the inclusion of a plot device: the prophecy.

WHAT WE KNOW

In The Phantom Menace, we're introduced to Anakin Skywalker and quickly, Qui-Gon Jinn can tell that he's sensitive to The Force. Upon testing his midi-chlorian count, it was apparently "off the charts" and measured at over 20,000—whatever that's supposed to mean. Currently in the official canon, midi-chlorians are microscopic lifeforms that act as symbiotic carriers of sorts for The Force that connect sentient beings together. They originated on a planet in the center of the galaxy which was also the source of life itself. Anakin was theorized to have been conceived by the midi-chlorians, resulting in his mother Shmi's virgin birth a la Jesus Christ parable.

Looks pretty barren, but it's still a better sight than Alderaan. What, too soon?

When the topic is brought up, Qui-Gon speculates that Anakin is "The Chosen One." Mace Windu helps clarify things to the audience by stating: "You refer to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to The Force. You believe it's this boy?"

Suddenly, Star Wars is a drastically different story. Sure, nothing changes about what we've seen before like Greedo shooting first and then with an edit, the events that transpired are different, but an undercurrent of a story was added that we never knew existed before. Originally, Anakin Skywalker was good, turned bad, and then turned good. Now, it was actually the story of how The Chosen One fell from grace, but was able to turn things around and fulfill his destiny. Anakin didn't just so happen to destroy Emperor Palpatine, it was his literal reason for existence and what he was created to do. He was meant to do this and just took a detour. Heavy stuff.

Mission accomplished.

However, this is all very vague. Just how exactly does someone "bring balance" to this universal consciousness by destroying all of the heroes along the way? To many fans, they interpret this as a numbers game where at one point, Darth Vader and Darth Sidious were the only two users of the Dark Side (due to the Rule of Two—go look it up if you need more info on that) while Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda were the only two Jedi left on the Light Side. To those people, balance is a 2-vs-2 scenario.

To me, the numbers theory never made any sense, as Luke and Leia are clearly at least marginally using The Force at this time, making it 4-on-2. Then, when Kenobi and Yoda die, it goes back to 2-on-2, only for the scale to be tipped in the wrong direction again with the deaths of the Darths. At the end of Return of the Jedi, we're left with two Jedi on the Light Side. That's not a balance.

George Lucas has gone on record in saying that the prophecy is that Anakin will defeat the Dark Side. That simple. In the Expanded Universe / Legends telling—which exists in a limbo state now that all of these stories have been decreed as not officially canon nor not-canon until proven or disproven—it is described as such:

In the "may or may not be canon until something proves or disproves it" stories of the Expanded Universe, now dubbed Legends, the prophecy states the following:

In the time of greatest despair, a child shall be born who will destroy the Sith and bring balance to The Force.

Again, that's still pretty vague, and now that the stories are continuing, we're left questioning how this could be true if there are still Dark Side users as villains going forward.

You've sat through a lot to get to this point, but we're finally here. This is my proposal for what the prophecy really means.

DECIPHERING CLUES

The prophecy revolves around Anakin being born with the sole purpose of destroying the Dark Side. All of the miscellaneous details that people attribute to this are left up to interpretation, but not necessarily fact. Despite how there's a chance the Jedi were wrong and there really is no prophecy, which would retcon six films, if we assume that this is the most basic foundation, that's where we'll work from as our starting point.

Birthright is the central theme. Anakin had no father and the biggest twist in movie history was the revelation that he was Luke's father. Vader tells Luke that it is his destiny to rule the galaxy with him as father and son. Palpatine was a father figure to Anakin. Jedi Masters and their Padawan learners are like parents to children (or in some cases just as in real life, if the parent is killed, a big brother has to step in to raise his little brother, like what happened to Obi-Wan and Anakin) and every living being is a child of The Force. Even Dwayne Johnson, since Yoda explains that it exists between "the tree, The Rock, everywhere!"

Trust your instincts. Don't think, just smelllllll what Qui-Gon is cooking. (insert funeral pyre joke)

In Revenge of the Sith, Palpatine tells Anakin the story of Darth Plagueis, who was able to create life and learn how to prevent death. Palpatine doesn't know this power, but he dangles it in front of Anakin to lure him to the Dark Side, as Anakin has had traumatic visions of Padme's death. The last time these prophetic dreams happened, it was his mother Shmi's death, and it came true. Now, it's the mother of his children. Obviously, I don't need to explain how parentage comes into play here.

However, it's interesting to note that the main villain of the series is the man who killed his father figure who could create life and is destroyed by his surrogate son (with the help of his surrogate grandson) who was created to kill him.

Plagueis did something abominable by messing with The Force and manipulating it in a way it shouldn't have been manipulated and unlocked the ultimate secret of life that no being other than The Force itself has control over, by being able to set off a Big Bang in so many words. That's way too dangerous to be in the wrong hands, so The Force directly involved itself to create an equal and opposite reaction to put a stop to it: Anakin.

Think of Plagueis and Palpatine as a virus that gets introduced to a host body and starts taking over. The course of action to fix that problem is to send in an antivirus to wipe it out.

Slow down, Palpatine. Wrong idea here.

But if the Dark Side continues after Palpatine's death, how is the prophecy fulfilled? Well, it isn't so much that Anakin has to stab the Dark Side in the heart and kill it, but that he sets off a chain of events that will ultimately work out in the end.

THE CHAINS OF REACTION THAT SURROUND US AND BIND US

Shmi is a vessel—a test tube in which Anakin is born as an anomaly. Therefore, Anakin is the first true starting point in the Skywalker lineage that has an asterisk on it. All members of the family that come after him are direct descendants of not just Shmi, but The Force itself. Basically, if The Force is God and Anakin is Jesus Christ, then Luke Skywalker is Jesus Christ Jr. and the same applies to Leia. If either Luke or Leia have a son or daughter, they're following in the same footsteps.

Anakin is too old to begin the training, as are Luke and Leia, but that doesn't stop them from being extremely powerful, because it's in their genes. The Skywalker family is working with a genetic gold mine of Force potential to the point where not even the most powerful evil in the galaxy can match them.

The Jedi Order was dissolved because it was getting in the way of itself and had its head up its own ass. One of their rules is that you can't form attachments because emotions are easy to be manipulated, which makes it easier to succumb to the Dark Side. That is true, but there's something to be said about how a life without love is no life worth living. Anakin even says to Padme that from his perspective, they are "encouraged to love" despite what the rulebook says. You know why he can go offbook like that? Because he's Anakin f'n Skywalker—manifestation of The Force. Qui-Gon says that the midi-chlorians talk to them and this is The Force telling Anakin to ignore the bureaucracy of the Jedi Order and go with his gut and listen to what they have to say.


Padme's potential death being ignored by the Jedi Order leads to Anakin making a rash decision to defy them and turn against them, which sets Padme down the path of her demise. All things considered, an alternate universe could have seen the events unfold differently, where Yoda and company ensure that Padme is safe during childbirth, they take down Palpatine, the Jedi Order survives and the love between Anakin and Padme proves to be a lesson. They learn by Anakin's example and open up to the idea of love.

Since that didn't happen, the responsibility fell on Luke's shoulders. Luke's love for Leia and his friends propels much of the plot. Anakin's love of Luke saves the day. Qui-Gon is the first Force-user to come back from the dead as a ghost and that's because he defied the council and went with his heart. Obi-Wan Kenobi loves Anakin and that's why he's such a prominent role. Qui-Gon's father figure is Count Dooku, who was trained by Yoda. It all connects and boils down to love. The Jedi Order neglected this and needed to be rebooted. Now that Luke is the one responsible for dictating how things go, he's someone who knows more than anybody how powerful love can be and in the Expanded Universe, he eliminated this doctrine and allowed Jedi to marry.

The movies are now going to be broken up in two ways with Anthology films and Saga films. The former will be spin-off titles such as the upcoming Rogue One while it's been stated that the Episode ___ movies will continually focus on the Skywalker family. That's because the lineage is the most important thing.

Anakin is the Chosen One because he is the one to create the bloodline that will forever right the wrongs of the universe.

If the Dark Side is parasitic, then the midi-chlorians are white blood cells. If someone like Palpatine was a virus, then Anakin was the antivirus. Luke and Leia are the current holders of the mantle of Chosen One and when the Dark Side amasses enough power to become a threat to the galaxy (which we'll see in Episode VII on December 18th), then they and their surrounding friends they are connected to via love will correct the errors in play.

Whenever things get too dirty, a Skywalker will be there to act as the soap to clean it up. Anakin's removal of the Palpatine virus was the first bath and a new evil rises in the First Order. That is why The Force Awakens and decides to take a shower again to cleanse the galaxy of the Dark Side. Luke, Leia, and I'm assuming Rey if not Finn as well are the white blood cells now that Anakin is gone.

White blood cells, eh? Look familiar?

This way, the stories will continue and don't have a definitive end unless the Dark Side is completely and utterly eradicated for good. If there is ever an evil in power, a Skywalker will keep it in check, and it all started with Anakin—the boy who was created out of an absence of love, became the man whose actions were dictated by love, brought about some tough love to teach the Jedi what they were doing wrong, and was able to keep his love going on for generations through his children.

TL;DR = Anakin brings balance to The Force by being the first in a bloodline of guardians of the collective consciousness, all in the name of the one thing that joins us together, love.

What do you think of this interpretation? Am I completely insane and will be proven wrong in a few weeks when Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens comes out? Am I thinking way too hard and this is just a plot hole that Kathleen Kennedy is hoping we'll ignore so Disney can keep on making lots of money?

Tell us what you think and if you have any other theories on the prophecy in the comments below!

Welcome to another edition of 6 Flicks Picks, wherein I list all of the upcoming films that are scheduled to be released in the United States for the month which is about to begin and break down which ones I'll be watching in theaters, which ones I'll wait to rent at home, and which ones I'll be skipping out on entirely. After going through the list, I'll choose which six films stand out to me as the ones I want to see the most, even if there are more or less than six that interest me.

Note: The list below is based primarily off the expanded nationwide USA release dates on IMDB as well as some other random outlets if possible, so some information may be different. If I am missing some of the limited releases or the dates conflict in some fashion, please let me know in the comments below and any adjustments and corrections will be made!

Without further ado, another new month means another new set of films, so what's coming soon to theaters in December 2015?

Krampus

Synopsis: A boy who has a bad Christmas ends up accidentally summoning a Christmas demon to his family home.

Will I watch? = No

Chi-Raq

Synopsis: A modern day adaptation of the ancient Greek play Lysistrata by Aristophanes, set against the backdrop of gang violence in Chicago.

Will I watch? = No

The Letters

Synopsis: A drama that explores the life of Mother Teresa through letters she wrote to her longtime friend and spiritual advisor, Father Celeste van Exem over a nearly 50-year period.

Will I watch? = No

Macbeth

Synopsis: Macbeth, a Thane of Scotland, receives a prophecy from a trio of witches that one day he will become King of Scotland. Consumed by ambition and spurred to action by his wife, Macbeth murders his king and takes the throne for himself.

Will I watch? = Maybe

Youth

Synopsis: A retired orchestra conductor is on holiday with his daughter and his film director best friend in the Alps when he receives an invitation from Queen Elizabeth II to perform for Prince Philip's birthday.

Will I watch? = No

A Royal Night Out

Synopsis: On V.E. Day in 1945, as peace extends across Europe, Princesses Elizabeth and Margaret are allowed out to join the celebrations. It is a night full of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Will I watch? = No

The World of Kanako

Synopsis: As former detective Akikazu searches for his missing daughter, Kanako, he soon learns she has a mysterious secret life.

Will I watch? = /No

Life

Synopsis: A photographer for Life Magazine is assigned to shoot pictures of James Dean.

Will I watch? = No

Hitchcock/Truffaut

Synopsis: Filmmakers discuss how Francois Truffaut's 1966 book "Cinema According to Hitchcock" influenced their work.

Will I watch? = No

Christmas Eve

Synopsis: Hilarity, romance, and transcendence prevail after a power outage traps six different groups of New Yorkers inside elevators on Christmas Eve.

Will I watch? = Maybe

MI-5

Synopsis: When a terrorist escapes custody during a routine handover, Will Holloway must team with disgraced MI5 Intelligence Chief Harry Pearce to track him down before an imminent terrorist attack on London.

Will I watch? = No


In the Heart of the Sea

Synopsis: Based on the 1820 event, a whaling ship is preyed upon by a sperm whale, stranding its crew at sea for 90 days, thousands of miles from home.

Will I watch? = Maybe

The Big Short

Synopsis: Four outsiders in the world of high-finance who predicted the credit and housing bubble collapse of the mid-2000s decide to take on the big banks for their lack of foresight and greed.

Will I watch? = Maybe

The Lady in the Van

Synopsis: A man forms an unexpected bond with a transient woman living in her car that's parked in his driveway.

Will I watch? = No

The Dark Horse

Synopsis: An emotionally charged and inspiring drama about a man who searches for the courage to lead, despite his own adversities - finding purpose and hope in passing on his gift to the children in his community.

Will I watch? = No


Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

Synopsis: Through a series of misunderstandings, Alvin, Simon and Theodore come to believe that Dave is going to propose to his new girlfriend in Miami...and dump them. They have three days to get to him and stop the proposal, saving themselves not only from losing Dave but possibly from gaining a terrible stepbrother.

Will I watch? = No

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens

Synopsis: A continuation of the saga created by George Lucas and set thirty years after Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983).

Will I watch? = Yes

Sisters

Synopsis: Two sisters decide to throw one last house party before their parents sell their family home.

Will I watch? = Maybe

Son of Saul

Synopsis: In the horror of 1944 Auschwitz, a prisoner forced to burn the corpses of his own people finds moral survival upon trying to salvage from the flames the body of a boy he takes for his son.

Will I watch? = No


The Hateful Eight

Synopsis: In post-Civil War Wyoming, bounty hunters try to find shelter during a blizzard but get involved in a plot of betrayal and deception. Will they survive?

Will I watch? = Yes

Joy

Synopsis: Joy is the story of a family across four generations and the woman who rises to become founder and matriarch of a powerful family business dynasty.

Will I watch? = Maybe

Daddy's Home

Synopsis: A mild-mannered radio executive strives to become the best stepdad to his wife's two children, but complications ensue when their freewheeling and freeloading real father arrives, forcing him to compete for the affection of the kids.

Will I watch? = No

Concussion

Synopsis: In Pittsburgh, accomplished pathologist Dr. Bennet Omalu uncovers the truth about brain damage in football players who suffer repeated concussions in the course of normal play.

Will I watch? = Yes

Point Break

Synopsis: A young FBI agent infiltrates an extraordinary team of extreme sports athletes he suspects of masterminding a string of unprecedented, sophisticated corporate heists. "Point Break" is inspired by the classic 1991 hit.

Will I watch? = No

The Revenant

Synopsis: In the 1820s, a frontiersman, Hugh Glass, sets out on a path of vengeance against those who left him for dead after a bear mauling.

Will I watch? = Yes


Which films make the cut?

Honorable Mentions. There are 11 films that I would check out this month, but the overwhelming majority of them are things that I'm not too interested in. More specifically, there seems to be an emphasis on movies that I feel take themselves very seriously for Oscar contention, but could be far up their own ass and too pretentious for me to actually like.

Point Break and Daddy's Home are teetering on the edge of "maybe", but I just don't have any faith they'll be good. I can't even remember if I've seen the original Point Break, so there's no nostalgia rush I'm seeking with that. As far as Will Ferrell goes, despite Old School and Stranger Than Fiction being in my movie collection and films I love, he has a bad track record with me as his antics fall victim to the trap where the comedian does the same old shit repeatedly and I didn't find it funny the first time, let alone the fiftieth. It will take a lot of good word of mouth to get me to watch that. The same goes for Sisters, as I'm not fond of 30 Rock and while the pairing of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey was great on SNL (as was Will Ferrell), beyond that, I'm not interested.

Macbeth is a great story, but having already read the play and seen Ian McKellen's version, do I really need to sit through all that again? I prefer Hamlet.

In the Heart of the Sea is something I really think could be awesome, but I have zero interest in movies about boats and submarines. Honestly, every single movie revolving around those has been something that I found difficult to sit through. I don't enjoy the claustrophobic atmosphere, but even with space movies or something like 12 Angry Men, there's something to distract me. Most movies about a boat or a submarine are entirely about the boat or submarine—a topic I don't find entertaining. I'm not a car guy, either, so if you showed me a movie about a mechanic I'd be twitching in my seat. The visuals look amazing and it's caught my attention, but considering the subject matter, I'm hesitant.

Speaking of boring subjects, holy hell does The Big Short seem more like I'd be reading a textbook than watching a movie. Moneyball almost got me interested enough to watch, but I put it off and never got around to it. This....meh. In a month that has the next Star Wars movie, you're not going to make me want to spend $10 on something about mortgage rates and bank etiquette no matter how many big stars are in it.

6. Joy — This is a tough one. I thought both Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle were okay, but I really don't see what's so fantastic about them. In fact, if I never would have seen those movies, I don't think I'd be missing out on anything. They're entirely forgettable, so this team isn't giving me crap, but equally isn't giving me much to be excited about. After watching this trailer, I'm left unenthusiastic. If this gets Oscar buzz in any way, I'll check it out, but this could be the third strike for this collection of David O. Russell, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro before I call it quits.

5. Christmas Eve — I like movies with this kind of concept. I still haven't seen A Long Way Down, but it's on my list, and I've checked out both Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve. Those two aren't fantastic, and I wouldn't expect this to be groundbreaking and my favorite movie of all time, but as a means to eat up two hours of my time with something that has some laughs and some heartfelt moments, this could be a nice breather of a film to watch around the holidays as well as a decent date movie.

4. The Hateful Eight — To be perfectly honest, I'm not thrilled about this. While Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction are two of my top favorite movies and I enjoyed both parts of Kill Bill, I haven't really been digging much else that Quentin Tarantino has been doing. Inglorious Basterds is overrated to me and Django Unchained was okay, but too long. Neither film has made me want to revisit watching it again. Grindhouse was an interesting experience watching it in theaters, but Death Proof inside it was an absolute bore I almost fell asleep in and doubt I will ever watch again in my life. The story presented to me with The Hateful Eight just doesn't strike me as particularly interesting. I can't help but think that this will be too much like his past two films. Since I don't care as much about the art of bringing a film genre to life (particularly resurrecting the western, as I don't like those) I'm just blah about it. That being said, it's still Quentin Tarantino, so I'm sure I'll be checking it out at some point just in the hopes that I'm wrong and I end up loving it.

3. Concussion — Without seeing the trailer, if you had told me that there's a movie about football concussions, I'd pass. After watching it, though, I think Will Smith could put on an Oscar-worthy performance. I'm genuinely curious about this in a way much more than I ever would have expected. With all the other serious dramas on this list, this is the one that I feel could be the easiest to digest that has the highest chance of me appreciating it.

2. The Revenant — Good lord, this is either going to be absolutely amazing and a movie that I have the utmost respect for, or it's a piece of gutter trash that I can't stomach. To reiterate what I mentioned before, I appreciate art, but I also don't like it if a movie forgoes entertainment purely for the sake of art. If this is more about how it was filmed with natural light and less about how I can enjoy watching the story unfold, then it could end up being as badly received on my end as The Tree of Life. Like with Will Smith, I'm curious about Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar chances, so that's a big motivator for me to watch this.

1. Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens — Come on. COME ON! This is fucking Star Wars for God's sake! I wouldn't be surprised if I saw this three times in December alone and I don't think I need to elaborate on anything about why I would want to see this movie. It's Star Wars. Done.

It's Black Friday and that means the Christmas shopping season is in full swing where every store will be packed with riotous crowds and super long lines. That's a huge pain to deal with, so why not avoid it entirely if you can?

If you're pumped for the upcoming release of Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens on December 18th and you're looking to add some merchandise to your collection this holiday or pick up some gifts for friends and family, make sure to check out SuperHeroStuff.com for their limited edition Star Wars Saga Box builds of their signature HeroBox subscription line.

The team over at SuperHeroStuff was nice enough to send me a box for this month, so I wanted to show off the swag in the first ever unboxing video for Fanboys Anonymous, which you can watch below:

That's no moon...that's a mystery box!

Celebrate the original trilogy & Episode VII with this limited edition box!

The HeroBox® Star Wars Saga Gold Edition for Men is like a normal HeroBox®...EXCEPT BETTER! Oh yes, things can get better...oh, and by better, I mean more! MORE! MOOOOOORE! Ahem. Coming with at least a shirt and tons of other goodies, the HeroBox® Star Wars Saga Gold Edition 2.0 for Men is for you serious Star Wars fans. You know you want it.

Gold Edition: $69 for $100+ worth of Star Wars & Episode VII gear

Silver Edition: $49 for $70+ worth of Star Wars & Episode VII gear

As you can see, the boxes include some pretty cool stuff that Star Wars fans will be sure to love.

Act now and place your order at SuperHeroStuff.com for these boxes or themes such as the Marvel Gift Box, DC Gift Box, or specific ones based on particular superheroes like Batman, Wonder Woman, Deadpool and more.

Thanks again to SHS for sending this our way!

On episode 20 of the FA Movie Club podcast, Fanboys Anonymous members give their thoughts on the James Bond franchise by reviewing one film for each actor who has portrayed the character of 007.

The words, "Never have I ever" have been spoken as a ritual during every prepubescent sleepover and drunken gathering of our young adult lives. A staple of debauchery in its prime, it often revolved around sexual encounters and shameful admissions but almost always barely scratched the surface of what we're all willing to admit. You can't have humility to play this game.

Never Have I Ever: The Game of Poor Life Decisions

Never Have I Ever: The Game of Poor Life Decisions follows the structure of the classic party game, with an added twist. Someone draws a red card that gives you a rule to the round and then starts the sentence, "Never have I ever..." before detailing an embarrassing scenario. If you are not guilty of the Play card, you discard it; however if you are guilty, you get to keep it and the shame you are now forced to relive. Whoever is the first to have 10 cards in their pile wins—and is arguably not the person you want to bring home to your parents.

The bright orange box includes 550 cards (485 embarrassing Play cards and 65 Rule cards) and suggests exactly what it is: a game of poor life decisions. Each card forces you to own up to the awkward one-night stands, public bouts of indecent exposure and urination, and drunken messes you once became in your younger years (or are currently).

The first time I tested this game, it was with a friend and a random guy at our table we thought would be fun to have join us. It was a great way to learn a lot about someone before you even get their name, and although I can't actually remember what his name was, I could tell you heaps about his sex life. This game is less "Never have I ever" and more "Things I have done that you are now picturing."

As we went through each round, the rules of the game were given some clarity, though we did bump up the amount of points needed to win because, let's be honest, we're adults that went through college and the majority of the cards we drew are just normal experiences that passed by with not much more than a small laugh, or at least we were mature enough to think so. The concept of it is great—each card is pretty detailed and probably not what would've come to mind had we played it the original way—and the Rule cards spice it up instead of going around in a circle with a scenario you hope you're not the only one guilty of.

Never Have I Ever rule cards

Never Have I Ever is meant for 4 to 12 players and passes itself off as a "judgment-free" game, though what is the point of the game without passing judgment on your best friends? Even one of the Rule cards suggests each player vote on whether or not you're guilty of the card you're holding on your forehead. I don't know, are you guilty of "Put my kids to bed early so I could get high," or "Used the same condom twice?" There's no judgment-free way to answer half of these without silently saying, "Yes, you are a horrible person."

Most cards, of course, involved your typical sexual, alcoholic, or drug-related experience, while a handful included the most innocent scenarios that make you scratch your head and wonder why they were even included in the deck. "Binged on Netflix without leaving the house" is now the norm and I'd probably judge you if you haven't. "Added bacon to my kale salad" is easily the most mundane card, unless you are (gasp!) a vegan, while "Wanted to have sex with someone here" is guaranteed to be met with a unified "YES!" (and if it's not, there's also a card that reads, "Lied while playing Never Have I Ever" because we all know the answer to this one).

Never Have I Ever play cards

Admittedly, my second go at this game ditched the Rule cards and turned into a round of holding up each card to my friend in Los Angeles via FaceTime. Every round garnered either an intrigued chuckle or a half-amused "Of course you did," because at that point we both agreed that we each lived sordid lives. I could definitely say that this game is much more suited for a larger group of people after a couple of beers.

My only quarrel with this game are the select few cards that are borderline slut-shame, misogyny, and rape culture. "Roofied someone" or "Tried to get someone drunk so I could have sex with them" is more than likely to make the crowd uncomfortable, and no story to explain would've been needed. It's not funny and shouldn't be included in a game that makes light of our horrible decisions. As the instructions state on the bottom, "If this game offends you, go buy our other award-winning game, Dabble. Sure, if you don't like this game, give us more money for another game.

Although this game doesn't quite match up to the widely popular Cards Against Humanity, it easily markets to the same crowd and makes for a great stocking stuffer for the holidays. It's the perfect party game for those who aren't easily embarrassed.

Never Have I Ever: The Game of Poor Life Decisions is available on Amazon and at local retailers including Barnes and Noble, Books-A-Million, Spencer Gifts, and Target, for $25. Alternatively, there's also an app available on iTunes and Google Play, though it's not as much fun.

Hey, hey, hey, Dacetacular nation! Check out episode 127 of The Dace Man Show with hosts Chris "The Dace Man" Dace, Frank Ward, Gibby and Patty McTitties!!

::SPORTS NEWS::

• The NHL, MLB, NFL, and our favorite: curling!

::WEIRD NEWS WITH GIBBY::

•  Gibby brings the class to the show with weird things going on in the world!

::FRANK'S CORNER::

• Frank-tastic facts for your everyday life

::CELEB NEWS::

• Dace is back, and he's packing a punch since he's on some diet pills and Red Bull. Get ready Hollywood!

Plus the occasional game of Who Said It, the crowning of The Doucebag of The Week, and much, much more, only on The Dace Man Show.



As always, check back regularly to see what Chris "The Dace Man" Dace is looking at (and no, not just porn), as well as all of the other bloggers here at Fanboys Anonymous. Remember, keyboard warriors: leave your feedback! Until the next time, for the few, the proud, and, of course,the Dacetacular, grab a beer—and in this case a comfy seat in front of your computer—and check out what's going on here in the Dace-Sphere. See ya next time!


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On the latest edition of the Movie Trailer Reactions podcast for Fanboys Anonymous, the panel breaks down their initial reaction and their overall thoughts about the latest trailer for Captain America: Civil War.

Does this look like the right direction for Phase 3 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or is this just Avengers Lite? Which side are we rooting for?

Some topics we address:

• Bucky at the center conflict
• Black Panther in action for the first time
• No Spider-Man, Baron Zemo, Martin Freeman, or Ant-Man
• Is Tony Stark being portrayed as the bad guy and not on equal playing ground?
• "He's my friend." / "So was I."
• and more!

You can watch the podcast below. Make sure to subscribe!

Captain America: Civil War plot picks up where Avengers: Age of Ultron left off, as Steve Rogers leads the new team of Avengers in their continued efforts to safeguard humanity. After another international incident involving the Avengers results in collateral damage, political pressure mounts to install a system of accountability and a governing body to determine when to enlist the services of the team. The new status quo fractures the Avengers while they try to protect the world from a new and nefarious villain.

Our first look at Marvel's Captain America: Civil War was released today, ushering in Phase 3 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. In case you missed it, check it out here:

We will be recording a special podcast of our reactions and thoughts on this trailer, so stay tuned for that video. Make sure to tell us what YOU think in the comments below!

Captain America: Civil War plot picks up where Avengers: Age of Ultron left off, as Steve Rogers leads the new team of Avengers in their continued efforts to safeguard humanity. After another international incident involving the Avengers results in collateral damage, political pressure mounts to install a system of accountability and a governing body to determine when to enlist the services of the team. The new status quo fractures the Avengers while they try to protect the world from a new and nefarious villain.

Episode 22 of the Fanboys Anonymous Reviewpoint podcast reviews season 1 of Marvel's Jessica Jones television series, breaking down episodes 1-13.

You can check out the podcast below on YouTube, iTunes, and Stitcher. Make sure to subscribe!

Welcome to the latest edition of Making the Grade—a review format segment here on Fanboys Anonymous where we break down the five major components of something and give it a score based on the standard report card lineup: A, B, C, D, and F for a total failure.

The next report card is for season 1 of Marvel's Netflix television series Jessica Jones.

CHARACTERS: C

There are three characters on this show that I was really into, but sadly only three: Jessica Jones, Kilgrave, and Luke Cage. They make up a triumvirate who balance each other out in a lot of interesting ways. On one side of this complex love triangle is Luke Cage, who is quiet, reserved, big, strong, and seemingly has a heart of gold—probably the best example of a moral compass as far as characters go. On the other side is Kilgrave, who is a more loud, flamboyant, wiry coward frequently referred to as The Devil (rather than his comic book namesake The Purple Man—a disappointment that nobody called him that).

In the middle of these two is Jessica, who is definitely heroic like Luke but has a dark side like Kilgrave. She's a snarky pain in the ass whom I know I'd hate to be around, yet she does the right thing time and time again. If you thought Tony Stark was stretching the limits of how much of a jerk a superhero can be, watch out for Jessica. She earns her hero cred, though, and just as much as she's an interesting foil to Luke Cage, I'm looking forward to seeing how she works with Daredevil later on down the line.

The other characters, however, are where this show falls by the wayside. At best, they're tolerable for a short amount of time, but nearly all of them are useless. In fact, I can't help but feel like the majority of them serve no purpose for the season other than to pad out episodes because the story was too thin to make 13 hours of content.

For example, what's the deal with the incest twins? Ruben was a sacrificial lamb that we didn't get to like enough to be sad to see die, as these two were presented as oddballs. His sister Robyn is a total annoyance who eats screen time just complaining. Did we need to follow that thread? Would we have lost anything to the story if neither of them existed?

Did we also need to devote so much time to Jeri Hogarth's divorce if it was all going to end up being a wash? Pam has no character other than being "Jeri's new fling" and both Jeri and her ex are just bitchy to each other. How much time was dedicated to Hogarth asking Jessica to get more dirt on Wendy all for this to end with it not mattering at all?

That's a recurring theme—that stories are dropped for an episode or two, drag on too long, and have too weak of a resolution.

Malcolm is a drug addict who gets over his addiction pretty damn fast, doesn't he? After that, he just stands around and looks worried. I can't even remember the older cop's name who is just a trope, being killed before his retirement. Then there's Will, who started off boring, became interesting, and then was tossed aside abruptly, making him amount to not much more than a distraction.

Trish Walker is a decent sidekick but doesn't match up to Foggy Nelson levels in comparison to the Daredevil franchise. My only real complaint about her is that her backstory is ridiculous and continues the trend of being superfluous. She's got spunk and I'm glad she survives, as I hope to see more of her, but not more of her bickering with her mom or any more references to the strange careers she's had, which I couldn't care less about.

And then there's Hope. This is a character who could have been much more useful, but while she kicks off the show's purpose in a lot of ways, she spends a lot of time sitting off on the sidelines doing nothing. It's a shame, as her story had untapped potential that may have smoothed the pacing a bit more with a rewrite.

ACTING: B

The two standouts here are Krysten Ritter and David Tennant.

The character of Jessica Jones is such a bitch and very abrasive, so in the hands of the wrong writers, directors, and actress, she could have easily become an unlikable protagonist, but Ritter pulls it off. Instead of hating her and rooting for the villains, I wanted to see her happy.

I'm not a fan of the Doctor Who franchise, so I didn't go into this with any particular bias for David Tennant beforehand, and I'm glad to say that he won me over from the very beginning. He's figured out a way to take a character who could be a monster and make him relatable just as Ritter did with Jessica. There are times where I pity him and wish to see him rehabilitated. The best part of the whole season, in my opinion, was the episode revolving around him learning how to be a hero instead of using his powers for evil. Kilgrave is one of the few villains from the Marvel Cinematic Universe who I feel lives up to the hype. He's twisted and extremely menacing, so I felt the tension and feared for everyone's safety. I'd put him on par with Wilson Fisk from Daredevil, if not above him.

Gender-bending Jeryn Hogarth was an interesting choice, but I get it. I like Carrie-Anne Moss in the role even if I don't think the writers made the character strong enough to properly utilize her. Hopefully, when we see her again, she'll have a better story.

I do like Mike Colter as Luke Cage, but I also have to acknowledge that I don't think he's doing anything special with the role that nobody else could have done. He embodies what I know about the character from the comics, so I'm cool with him going forward. The same goes with Rachael Taylor for Trish Walker, whom I'm admittedly not as familiar with as far as characterization, but I'm up for seeing more of her down the line as I liked her on-screen pairing with Krysten Ritter and bought into their friendship/sisterhood just as much as I believed Ritter's romance with Colter.

Everybody else? Meh.

VISUALS (FX, MAKEUP, COSTUMES, SETS): B

No complaints to me on this regard. It feels like this is in the same universe as Daredevil, so the continuity was maintained, which I'm happy about. Nothing negative stood out to me that looked fake or cheap.

MUSIC & SOUND: B

Most of the music went unnoticed to me, but I like the opening theme quite a bit. With Daredevil, I got sick and tired of hearing it over and over again, yet this one is more relaxed and enjoyable. It's also quite different from what the other themes for the MCU have been, and it suits the style of this noir detective tale perfectly.

TONE (ACTION, ROMANCE, COMEDY): B+

ACTION: I'm not sure how I should look at this, actually. On one hand, it's a superhero property, so action is one of its primary functions. However, this is not supposed to be something like The Avengers. It's a detective story, which is more about investigation than punches. I won't be too harsh, but I do have to say that it leaves much to be desired. Daredevil had that hallway fight sequence, but this doesn't have anything memorable. The fight with Luke was probably the best part, but most of the season was just watching Jessica break off a lock with her bare hands or casually jumping in or out of frame instead of flying. Those two things happened so often that I lost track while trying to keep count, and I wasn't impressed any time I saw it.

COMEDY: Is it wrong that I laughed quite a bit at what Kilgrave said and did? Am I messed up? Oh well. Considering the source material, comedy was never going to be the focal point, as the subject matter is just far too dark to make a laugh riot out of it. I did still laugh at times, though, so that's good.

ROMANCE: Rather than romance, this show is about sex, and while it's no porno, it's raunchier than I expected. It's actually rather nice to see this as a change of pace, as lust tends to be edited out of relationships in film and television. Jessica and Luke, for instance, love to fuck and get down and dirty when they're up for it, and it isn't masked in any kind of hokey "clutching the bed sheets in slow motion" fashion we're used to. Not much is off limits, as almost everything is either shown or implied, but I'm very thankful that one thing that was omitted was any rape scenes, as that would have just felt uncomfortable to watch.

FINAL GRADE: B

It may seem like I have a lot of negative to say, but in the end, I do recommend the show. Rather than genuinely disliking the things I criticized above, I more so feel a sense of disappointment, as I wanted this to be as good or better than Daredevil, but it just doesn't match up. The main story is incredibly interesting and the core trio of characters are a delight, but it's just the extra stuff that gets in the way.

Reducing Malcolm's role, abandoning Jeri's divorce angle, shortening Trish's backstory to only the elements that help establish Jessica's origin, completely eliminating the twins and not dragging out Hope's story as long would have helped trim the fat with probably half of the content. Theoretically, if those are 6.5 episodes freed up, that time could have been spent dedicated to expanding on Luke Cage, who I think might also not have 13 full episodes' worth of content.

While I can't help but feel that this dropped in quality from what came before it, I still do suggest Marvel fans check it out. It's something different and there are some great things that are worth struggling through the bad to experience.

On the latest edition of Minute Man Reviews hosted by Tony Mango, season 1 of Marvel's Jessica Jones television series on Netflix is given a full review in under 60 seconds.

Check out the video below and be sure to subscribe and leave your comments on what you thought of Jessica Jones!

On episode 25 of the Fanboys Anonymous Group Meeting podcast, the panel has a roundtable discussion debating who is the best actor to have portrayed agent 007 James Bond on the big screen.

Hosted by Tony Mango, the panel includes Alex Grimley, Caroline Oliveira, and Shaun Walker.

Some topics we address:

• Is James Bond a coldblooded assassin or does he have a softer side?
• Which 007 actor is the best at action sequences?
• Which Bond has the funniest jokes and what's the proper level of comedy?
• Who is the most charming Bond with the most sex appeal?
• Should Bond be sophisticated and cultured?
• and more!

You can watch the podcast below. Make sure to subscribe!

Hey, hey, hey, Dacetacular nation! Check out episode 126 of The Dace Man Show with hosts Chris "The Dace Man" Dace, Frank Ward, Gibby and Patty McTitties!!

::SPORTS NEWS::

• The NHL, MLB, NFL, and our favorite: curling!

::WEIRD NEWS WITH GIBBY::

•  Gibby brings the class to the show with weird things going on in the world!

::FRANK'S CORNER::

• Frank-tastic facts for your everyday life

::CELEB NEWS::

• Dace is back, and he's packing a punch since he's on some diet pills and Red Bull. Get ready Hollywood!

Plus the occasional game of Who Said It, the crowning of The Doucebag of The Week, and much, much more, only on The Dace Man Show.



As always, check back regularly to see what Chris "The Dace Man" Dace is looking at (and no, not just porn), as well as all of the other bloggers here at Fanboys Anonymous. Remember, keyboard warriors: leave your feedback! Until the next time, for the few, the proud, and, of course,the Dacetacular, grab a beer—and in this case a comfy seat in front of your computer—and check out what's going on here in the Dace-Sphere. See ya next time!


Follow on Facebook: Mega Powers Radio | Fanboys Anonymous | The Dace Man Show | Nerd Court | Sports Talk Weekly | Addicted to Anime

With the release of Spectre, November of 2015 has been dubbed "007 Month" here at Fanboys Anonymous, and to help celebrate the 20th anniversary of GoldenEye, we present to you episode #14 of the FanTracks podcast, which is an audio commentary track for the entire film.

For copyright reasons, we cannot provide the movie itself, but if you sync up the video of the movie with our commentary, you can listen to our thoughts on the film as we crack some jokes, expose some plot holes, chat about why this is one of our favorite movies and so on.

After a short introduction, you will be told when to sync up your copy of the episode so you can follow along with our commentary. Follow the links below to listen to the podcast on either YouTube, iTunes, or Stitcher. Make sure to subscribe!

Welcome to another edition of Wed, Bed, or Dead—the Fanboys Anonymous equivalent to games such as Marry/Fuck/Kill, or "Kill, Bang, Marry" or any of those other alternative names with the same "would you rather" ranking concept.

If you're unfamiliar with these games, here are the rules: three men or women will be pitted against each other and you are forced to place each of them into a specific category of your choosing. You cannot double up on any category, replace people, or anything else. You must pick one to "Wed" (marry), one to "Bed" (have sex with), and for "Dead" (kill)—in theory, of course.

Obviously, all three women here are from the same film that has been getting a lot of focus as of late here on Fanboys Anonymous, Spectre. While there are two other female characters in the story (Moneypenny and a cameo by M) as well as some extras in the background of scenes, these are the three primary women that won't likely be showing up in any other films, making them easy targets for this edition.


For these games, I like to use a three-point criteria of Attraction, Personality and Wildcard. Attraction and Personality are pretty self-explanatory, focusing on their looks and what goes on behind the scenes. Something like their intelligence, character traits, behavioral attitude, and so forth would go under Personality, while their physical appearance and sexiness make up the bulk of Attraction. As far as Wildcard goes, those could be any other factors that take away or add to someone's appeal.

Since all three of these women are super attractive and none of them are particularly bothersome in any way, I had to approach this by judging mostly on the Wed option. Estrella is someone we know almost nothing about, so I ruled her out almost immediately. While Madeleine Swann has a bit of an attitude, it's more of a defense mechanism that goes away compared to Lucia Sciarra, who is just too damaged from her marriage. I also have a thing for smart girls, so Swann gets a boost for that, and Léa Seydoux is closer to my age than Monica Bellucci (though not as close as Stephanie Sigman), making her a better Wed choice. Then, as beautiful as Estrella is, she doesn't even help Bond out in his mission in the slightest bit. Do you give the Death option to the person who is effectively useless in the plot or the one that says she's doomed to be killed? Sorry, but as gorgeous as Sigman/Estrella is, we're talking about Monica Bellucci here. How could I pass up an opportunity with her and the Bed option?

This is a tough group, but there really are no wins or losses, so isn't that the best kind?

Hey, hey, hey, Dacetacular nation! Check out episode 125 of The Dace Man Show with hosts Chris "The Dace Man" Dace, and Gibby!!

::SPORTS NEWS::

• The NHL, MLB, NFL, and our favorite: curling!

::WEIRD NEWS WITH GIBBY::

•  Gibby brings the class to the show with weird things going on in the world!

::FRANK'S CORNER::

• Frank-tastic facts for your everyday life

::CELEB NEWS::

• Dace is back, and he's packing a punch since he's on some diet pills and Red Bull. Get ready Hollywood!

Plus the occasional game of Who Said It, the crowning of The Doucebag of The Week, and much, much more, only on The Dace Man Show.



As always, check back regularly to see what Chris "The Dace Man" Dace is looking at (and no, not just porn), as well as all of the other bloggers here at Fanboys Anonymous. Remember, keyboard warriors: leave your feedback! Until the next time, for the few, the proud, and, of course,the Dacetacular, grab a beer—and in this case a comfy seat in front of your computer—and check out what's going on here in the Dace-Sphere. See ya next time!


Follow on Facebook: Mega Powers Radio | Fanboys Anonymous | The Dace Man Show | Nerd Court | Sports Talk Weekly | Addicted to Anime

On the heels of the announcement that CBS is creating a new Star Trek TV series to debut on their paid subscription service in 2017, many fans are left wondering what this new voyage could be about. After all, we've seen everything from alternate timelines to the prequel missions. For almost 50 years, the franchise has taken us where no man has gone before. We've fallen in love with the diverse cultures, the utopian societies, and all that kickass technology we wish we had. I grew up a devout Star Wars fan, feeling like there was a competition among the two worlds, but it wasn't until I got married that I really fell in love with Gene Roddenberry's creation. Next thing I knew, my kids were being named after characters and I'd watched all the episodes numerous times. With Trekkers and Trekkies alike all celebrating, let's go over a few of possible storylines I'd like to see in the new series.

1. A New "Next Generation"

The great thing about all of the different series is that they all tied in together in some way. They weren't separate entities that contradicted each other. Many of the characters crossed over to other shows, and sometimes storyline holes were explained on other series. There was this fundamental unity that had fans in love with the whole Star Trek universe, not just the show. One of the things I'd really like to see is the recasting of The Next Generation. A new Jean Luc Picard, a new Worf, and a new Captain Riker to name a few. It's true that this storyline would be limiting since there are only two options, redoing the series or creating an alternate timeline like they did with the recent movies, but it would be nice to see some beloved characters revamped and back for more action.


2. A Static Storyline

One of the greatest things about the Deep Space Nine series I liked was that the show was able to explore static storylines that the other series didn't touch on. Religion, building societies, and raising a family. Captain Sisko was the only captain with a son and an encouraged love interest. We saw the perils of single fatherhood and love while being captain. In the other series, romantic encounters were discouraged and often not explored for more than an episode of two. DS9 also explored the religious depth of the Bajoran prophets. If the new series even contained a fraction of the diversity that DS9 had, I'll be happy.


3. A Different Federation

Another option would be to explore more than just the Federation. How about a series that takes place outside the Federation? How about the rebellious Maquis? Let's see what it is like to be them for a change; what motivated them? True, most of them were destroyed, but we could see how it began. Even something on the pleasure planet of Risa would be fun to explore. Let's take away the wars and the diplomacy and see who shows up for vacation.


4. A New Ship with New Enemies

We've had Enterprise (quite a few times), Voyager, and even the Defiant. Let's have a new ship with an awesome new name and send it out into the void to explore a new quadrant of space. Don't bring back the Borg or any of the old species. The great thing about Voyager was getting to explore all the new aliens that the other series didn't have a chance to see. Something reprising that would take an interesting turn.


5. Even MORE In The Future

Many of the series were relatively close together timewise, with some of the series even overlapping. How about mixing it up a bit? Let's go even farther into the future and see what happens. After the Dominion war, perhaps even centered around a fall of the Federation? We could fall in love with a cast composed of future generations of some of the other series.


6. Let's Try Enterprise, Again

It's no secret that ST: Enterprise is a widely criticized series. I actually enjoyed it, but felt it really fell apart with the infamous time-jumping began. It distracted from the original intent of the show, to document the voyage of Earth's first deep-space vessel. I loved how they were just learning about technology, especially the teleporter, they didn't really use replicators for everything, and their medical practices were still growing. While a little more relatable, it was nice to see the society without all its sophistication and watch them explore and learn just how they got there. I would love for the new series to have a little of this rustic charm.


There you go. These are my top six suggestions for what I'd live to see on the new series. What would you like to see? Do you agree with my ideas or not? Leave a comment and let me know.

It seems the horror movie fandom has lost another legend. Gunnar Hansen, who played the original Leatherface in the 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre, passed away this Saturday of pancreatic cancer at his home in Maine. He was 68.

In honor of Hansen's amazing interpretation of a chainsaw-wielding lunatic, Fanboys Anonymous has compiled a list of 10 interesting facts you need to know about the original Texas Chainsaw. Read these while enjoying some deep-fried-non-human-meat.

There were real human remains on set.

The skeleton used in the house at the end of the movie was real because, according to IMDB, "a human skeleton from India is far cheaper than a fake plastic skeleton."

There was real blood.

Marilyn Burns, whose character was chased by Leatherface through the undergrowth, hurt herself badly on the branches, so a lot of the blood on her body and clothes was real.

There was also real blood in the dinner scene, where they cut Sally's (Burns) finger and try to feed the blood to Grandpa. According to Hansen, the tube that shot the fake blood kept malfunctioning, and, finally, after several takes without the tube working properly, Hansen simply sliced Marilyn Burns' finger open. "And the reason was," he explained, "at this point, we were insane."

Burns had her finger sliced, for real.

The soundtrack is truly scary.

It contains the sounds one would hear inside a slaughterhouse.

Real animal corpses were used.

The animal carcasses were reportedly borrowed from a local veterinarian. When they were no longer needed, someone burned them in order to dispose of them.

It actually stank in there.

Aside from the smell of rotting animals, actor John Dugan lived in his makeup for over 36 hours (five of which which took to put the makeup on) during a "brutal summer heat wave where the average temperature was over 100 degrees." While filming the dinner scene, the stench from the rotting food, animals, and body odor was so dreadful some crew members passed out or became sick. Edwin Neal who played the hitchhiker stated: "Filming that scene was the worst time of my life... and I had been in Vietnam, with people trying to kill me, so I guess that shows how bad it was."

Edwin Neal

The movie was slightly based on real events.

Though it wasn't based on any chainsaw killings, the movie was inspired by the events surrounding Ed Gein, a real-life killer and grave robber who fashioned himself a suit made out of human skin.

Hansen did not have fun.

When asked if the shot was a fun experience, Hansen replied:

Not a bit of it. I think it was one side or the other of 100 degrees for almost all of the shooting and it was Central Texas, which means it was quite humid. For me I think it was also bad because I wore a mask. And that mask was made out of latex. So even though I could breathe through it fine, it was tight up against my skin, so I was always soaking wet under it. And then I had a wool suit and wore wool trousers the whole time.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was not the original title.

The movie was almost called Leatherface or Headcheese.


Hansen's costume was not comfy.

Hansen had to wear the outfit 12–16 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 4 weeks. There was only one costume, and it was never washed throughout the production. Hansen recalled he smelled so bad that nobody wanted to stand next to him. The boots he wore had been fitted with three-inch heels so that he could appear taller than the rest of the cast.

Director Tobe Hooper wanted the movie to get a PG rating.

He believed that, by implying the violence instead of showing it, the movie should have gotten a PG rating. However the Rating Board gave it an easy "R."


Hungry for more? Check out Hansen's book Chainsaw Confidential, which details his experiences on set and beyond.