Fanboys Anonymous

Welcome to another edition of Wed, Bed, or Dead—the Fanboys Anonymous equivalent to games such as Marry/Fuck/Kill, or "Kill, Bang, Marry" or any of those other alternative names with the same "would you rather" ranking concept.

If you're unfamiliar with these games, here are the rules: three men or women will be pitted against each other and you are forced to place each of them into a specific category of your choosing. You cannot double up on any category, replace people, or anything else. You must pick one to "Wed" (marry), one to "Bed" (have sex with), and for "Dead" (kill)—in theory, of course.



Obviously, all three women here are from the same film that has been getting a lot of focus as of late here on Fanboys Anonymous, Spectre. While there are two other female characters in the story (Moneypenny and a cameo by M) as well as some extras in the background of scenes, these are the three primary women that won't likely be showing up in any other films, making them easy targets for this edition.


For these games, I like to use a three-point criteria of Attraction, Personality and Wildcard. Attraction and Personality are pretty self-explanatory, focusing on their looks and what goes on behind the scenes. Something like their intelligence, character traits, behavioral attitude, and so forth would go under Personality, while their physical appearance and sexiness make up the bulk of Attraction. As far as Wildcard goes, those could be any other factors that take away or add to someone's appeal.

Since all three of these women are super attractive and none of them are particularly bothersome in any way, I had to approach this by judging mostly on the Wed option. Estrella is someone we know almost nothing about, so I ruled her out almost immediately. While Madeleine Swann has a bit of an attitude, it's more of a defense mechanism that goes away compared to Lucia Sciarra, who is just too damaged from her marriage. I also have a thing for smart girls, so Swann gets a boost for that, and Léa Seydoux is closer to my age than Monica Bellucci (though not as close as Stephanie Sigman), making her a better Wed choice. Then, as beautiful as Estrella is, she doesn't even help Bond out in his mission in the slightest bit. Do you give the Death option to the person who is effectively useless in the plot or the one that says she's doomed to be killed? Sorry, but as gorgeous as Sigman/Estrella is, we're talking about Monica Bellucci here. How could I pass up an opportunity with her and the Bed option?

This is a tough group, but there really are no wins or losses, so isn't that the best kind?