Fanboys Anonymous

Normally, when a superhero movie comes out, I make it a point to ensure that I can watch the first screening possible and not only put out a Making the Grade review, but also do a Reviewpoint podcast. This is no normal situation and I can't possibly think of any "hits" and positive things to talk about, so we're going to have to do something a little different.

Fantastic Four is a movie that has been plagued with problems since even before its inception, as it was following in the footsteps of its unconnected predecessors—both of which, mind you, are bad movies. This reboot, however, didn't just have to deal with that, as it ran into controversy when it was announced that the cast were instructed not to read the comics for inspiration, as it wouldn't be taking from the source material. Of course, there was controversy when it comes to the cast itself, too, when Michael B. Jordan was announced as Johnny Storm. Then, the problems just kept piling up to the point where we now have a film that sits below 10% on Rotten Tomatoes and is a box office flop made by a director (Josh Trank) that has lost out on a Star Wars project and a production studio that has just as bad of a tarnished image as he does, if not worse.

When I sat down to watch this film, I already knew it was going to be bad, as I'm not particularly fond of The Fantastic 4 from the comics to begin with, but I also knew that the movie itself wouldn't change my mind about that. Keep in mind that I've gone into films before where I was proven wrong, such as Heath Ledger's Joker or the first Transformers (I thought it would be terrible, but I enjoyed it a lot...and subsequently hated everything about the sequels). Hell, I thought Guardians of the Galaxy was going to be atrocious and I also figured Ant-Man would fail.

I was not wrong about my trepidation for this movie, and as much as I would like to do a Making the Grade edition, I honestly cannot think of a better way to present my review than to simply break down all of the flaws in the film, because there's almost literally nothing supportive for me to say. As such, I went about writing notes down throughout the movie about all of the problems that I had with it.

Thus, I present to you, in relative order of appearance rather than importance (because let's face it, with a list this big, there's no one most important reason why this movie sucks)...

America's Favorite Pastime in 2015's Worst Movie

This movie starts off with audio about a kid wanting to play baseball. Within the next couple of minutes, we see Ben Grimm holding a baseball bat. Do you remember the scene from the trailer of Ben playing baseball? First off, that scene isn't in this film, which is a recurring element where shots from the TV spots and commercials are not in the movie itself. Second, what's up with all the goddamn baseball?

Little Richards—No, Not the Singer

The child actor who plays Reed Richards is pretty bad. He delivers his lines like he memorized them and recited them from memory rather than tried to convince the audience that he's an actual human being feeling the emotions that predicate saying those lines.

My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad, and Me

Why does every character in this film have a problem with their parents? Reed's father is neglectful and cares more about watching football (surprised he's not watching baseball) than he does the safety of his kid who is creating a black hole which could destroy the universe. His mother? Well, she's just hanging out in the kitchen, oblivious to everything happening. Ugh.

Then there's Ben's parents, who are physically abusive. Did we really need to give "it's clobbering time" a backstory where it's his deadbeat asshole father's catchphrase that he uses before he smacks Ben? That's fucking terrible!!

Later on, Johnny Storm is pissed at his dad, Franklin Storm, because....why? He sees potential in him? He doesn't want him to ruin his car and get into an accident and fucking hurt himself? Oh, maybe he's just pissed off because Franklin was a nice enough guy to adopt Sue, because Johnny just has to be jealous of her in some fashion, too, right? You know who else has a strained relationship with Franklin? Victor, who is like a surrogate son. Then, Reed becomes a surrogate son to Franklin as well.

You know who could have used a surrogate father figure? I don't know, maybe Ben Grimm—the one who is probably still being smacked around by his dad at home while everyone else is goofing around for 40 minutes.

Age of Extinction Ultron Apocalypse the Fantastic 4

I don't buy that these actors are supposed to be the ages represented in this film whatsoever. At the scene with the science fair, Reed looks like he should be a goddamn professor more than a high school student. Wait, is he supposed to be in college? No, that can't be, because there's a little kid representing at the fair. Oh fuck you, his elementary school teacher is here, too? Is Reed Richards a 20-something year old student of nowhere who is hanging out at a 5th grade contest?



The World's Smartest Man is Dumb

In Iron Man, it's quickly said that Tony Stark graduated from MIT at the top of his class at the age of seventeen. That's because he's a genius. Reed Richards—arguably the smartest person in the entire Marvel Universe to such ridiculous levels that it isn't even remotely believable—can't even get into college on his own, let alone what should have happened with him skipping grades and being a college graduate when he was still Nickelodeon's target demographic? Also, why is he fucking up his invention so much? Ben Grimm may be the one made of rocks, but Reed's thick as a brick.

Portishead Proves that Sue Storm is Totes Cool, Guys

If you were to say to me that there's a scene where Sue Storm explains to Reed that she likes to look out for patterns in things, I would tell you "okay, but why?" The main reason is because Sue's character isn't exactly someone where patterns defines her. Her powers have nothing to do with patterns, nor does her emotional spectrum or personality work around this idea. She's not The Riddler, where you would introduce that Edward Nygma is into puzzles.

However, I'd buy it more if it wasn't presented to the viewer in such a douchey way. Sue is listening to Portishead. Name drop! Why Portishead? Because music helps her think, because it's repetitious and patterns exist in it, and blah blah blah, see ya later, Reed, because I've said my part of the dialogue and now the scene is over so I'm going to exit the library.

This reminds me of the memo that was leaked from Sony about where to take the direction of Spider-Man, where they said, and I quote:

"EDM (electronic dance music) is the defining music for Millennials. Wondering if there's an EDM angle somewhere with Spidey? His movements are beautiful, would be awesome with a killer DJ behind it."

Both that plan for Peter Parker and this scene with Sue Storm come off to me as representative of those horrendous public service announcements where people try to rap because they think that will appeal to the kids they're targeting their messages toward.

Not cool, man. Not cool. Why did you have to go make Sue Storm into a hipster douchette in a poorly veiled and mishandled attempt to give her some fashionable nerd cred with the type of assholes that would think that her listening to Portishead would be interesting?

Before anyone says it, this is not an attack on Portishead. I don't know much about their music outside of the song "Glory Box" which I happen to like. This is an attack on how this element of the movie was utterly unnecessary and its intentions are as transparent as product placement.

Sue Storm has No Soul

Okay, not literally, but can you tell me something about her other than this Portishead nonsense? Sue has the emotional range of a door stopper in this movie. I don't think she smiles a single time, cracks a single joke, or does anything but stare off into nothingness with a scornful look. She seems pissed off 24/7 and I have no idea why anyone would want to be around her, much less tolerate her enough to love her. The first scene we see her in (the stupid science fair for toddlers) presents her as more of the buzzkill assistant to Franklin Storm than it does a central character we're supposed to love.

Victor says he trusts Sue. Why? She doesn't seem to be so trustworthy. Does he have a crush on her? If so, he sure as hell doesn't flirt with her, nor does she flirt with him. Toward the end of the film, Franklin says Reed will listen to Sue in particular. Why? Because she has a vagina? All this character does is pout rather than show why she's supposed to be the connective glue that people can relate to.

Kate Mara is beautiful and I've seen her have so much vivacity to other parts, but she brought no life into this character whatsoever and I have to imagine that part of the reason for that was the script and part of it was the terrible work atmosphere of making this movie.

Sue Storm is Smarter Than Reed Richards

I mentioned above that Reed must be dumb, and at one point in the film, it seems as though the writers felt it necessary to hammer that point down in order to try to build Sue up as smart. She's the one telling him that he could have messed everything up with his experiments. He basically responds with "oh, really? Oops!" before she scoffs.

I can't help but think this is a byproduct of a common problem in writing, where there's a self-fulfilling misogynist perspective. Some people out there are sexist enough to not value women in the same way as men, unfortunately, so some writers think that the audience will be unable to buy into a woman being smart, capable, strong, etc without shoehorning in a scene where she trumps the protagonist male to prove her value. In action movies, it's usually the damsel in distress dispatching a villain that the hero can't take out, followed up with a surprised look on the guy's face and the woman retorting with some kind of line about girl power. This movie doesn't really have any action in it (snore), so instead, it's just a scene where Sue upstages Reed's intelligence.

Again, I reiterate that Reed is always portrayed as the smartest of the bunch by far. Sue is no slouch herself when it comes to intelligence, but the way they handled this scene was all wrong. It could have been played for laughs, but as we've established, Sue has no levity and just acts smug as shit. There could have been a heroic scene where Sue saves the day with her intelligence, but nope, she just gloats.
 
I don't once question the intelligence and aptitude of the female physician who is examining our "heroes" after their accident, so why would do you think you need to work hard in getting that point across to the audience with Sue? Her attitude in pointing out Reed's failure just makes me dislike her even more. Then again, are any of these characters likable in any way whatsoever? No wonder she fits right in with the group!

Victor Von Doom the Neckbeard

Dr. Doom is one of the best villains in comic book history. He is not someone who would waste his time trash-talking 13-year-old kids in Call of Duty.

How did that concept make it past a joke that was in the writer's room, let alone pitched as a serious idea for the movie and then make it in there? I don't need to elaborate on why this was a problem, do I?

When are We Gonna Get to the Fireworks Factory???

Yes, I'm in the mood for old quotes from The Simpsons, as evidenced above with the Frank Grimes video. That's not just because Dan Castellaneta is in this movie, but also because rewatching old episodes of the first 10 seasons of that show for the 100th or so time is infinitely a better use of my time than having sat through an hour of this garbage. Seriously, go watch "Homer's Enemy" from season 8.

Anyway, back to what this quote is referencing (by which I mean Fantastic 4, not "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" also from season 8 of The Simpsons).

What I mean here is that this film reached a point where I actively noticed how much time was being spent setting up the big experiment as opposed to anything that the audience would really care about. The best superhero films aren't just action sequences, but have legitimate stories to tell. Look at Captain America: The Winter Soldier for a perfect example of what these movies should be. However, the general movie-going audience does not want to see this long of a setup for a science experiment in a movie advertised as having five superpowered people who can do amazing things.

The Fantastic Four have never been the most interesting characters to justify giving a backstory to, so the part of the movie that deals with Reed and Ben becoming friends is kind of unnecessary. Then, way too much time is spent setting up the teleporter to the point where this movie feels more like The Imitation Game rather than a superhero film. In that movie, it's all leading up to the machine being a success, but in this film, the machine is the origin of their powers, so you're basically just dragging the audience along for the boring "behind the scenes" stuff leading up to the point where the viewer can be interested.

Along the way to this point, too, we should have gotten to know the characters and become attached to them, but this film seems to care more about the deus ex machina they're working on rather than who is working on it.

One Year Later

Then, after shit finally starts going down, the film skips past all the interesting stuff with a time jump! Why!? Two-thirds of this movie are spent leading up to them getting their powers and then we just breeze past them learning how to control them and The Thing kicking ass around the globe in background footage and a montage?

Batman Begins had a montage and it was when Bruce Wayne was obtaining the gadgets to become The Batman, because a couple seconds of him spray painting the suit was enough to illustrate that it was in production. This movie basically shows you them buying the paint, going through different colors, buffing out the uneven edges, and then skips past the whole "I'm Batman" reveal.

Adoption from Kosovo

Let's address one of the elephants in the room: the casting of Michael B. Jordan. Unfortunately, a lot of people have an issue with Johnny Storm not being Caucasian for the wrong reasons. If your opinion on the subject of casting for any movie is based on a dislike of a particular ethnicity, I can't support your point of view.

However, I can see why it's an issue in this film. Michael B. Jordan is a great actor who could have done the character of Johnny Storm justice had the script and everything else about the film been better. Anybody cast in this role would have found themselves running into the same problems he did. On top of this, though, some extra problems arise from this casting decision.

This comic was created in a different era where more complex versions of the nuclear family went unspoken. Interracial couples were taboo, adoption could be held as more of a secret to keep, so on and so forth. Now that we're in 2015, we can shake things up to be more realistic, more modern, more inclusive and less discriminatory, but we have to do it in intelligent ways. No problems seem to come up with Samuel L. Jackson's version of Nick Fury, a Polynesian Aquaman, the 5'10" white Bolivar Trask being portrayed by both the black actor Bill Duke and the 4'5" Peter Dinklage, or Candice Patton as Iris West in The Flash, but this movie is so bad that it found a way to fuck itself in this regard, too.

Instead of Sue and Johnny being related by blood, Sue is adopted in this incarnation. Adoption's perfectly okay, but it's a plot point that serves no function other than to try to explain why they look different. Why do they look different? Because they wanted to cast different looking people, not because it's an element of the story.

As if Sue being adopted wasn't a pointless plot element, she was born in Kosovo rather than America, which serves even less of a purpose for the movie. It actually means more to this film that she listens to Portishead than that she's from another country! I'm surprised they didn't also say she was born on February 29th, but even that would have been more useful because you could joke about leap years being every four years.

These two pointless character traits were entirely unnecessary. Why couldn't the Storm family just be an interracial one with a white actress cast as Mary Storm looking more like Kate Mara and Reg E. Cathey's Franklin Storm keeping his resemblance to Michael B. Jordan? Whether you'd play that was biological brother and sister or step-siblings, it's still less work than trying to talk about adopting Sue from Kosovo. Even if that idea seems like too much work, couldn't Sue Storm have just been portrayed by a black woman?

So many headaches spawned from casting Michael B. Jordan, and for what? He didn't bring anything to the table as an actor that justified all the trouble. Clearly, his casting wasn't the magical ingredient that made this film a success, because it's bombing. To be fair to him, that's not his fault, either. Not a single actor in this movie couldn't be replaced by someone else and that's because the script is so bland that they don't get a chance to properly act like the characters. If you replaced Miles Teller, Jamie Bell, Michael B. Jordan and Kate Mara with Anton Yelchin, Josh Gad, Kevin Pennington Allison Williams (four names rumored back in the day), this film would have still sucked just as much.

What this problem boils down to is not that Michael B. Jordan was cast as Johnny Storm outright, but that the filmmakers created more problems for themselves in making that decision and following it up with poor writing with this "adopted from Kosovo" nonsense. Even the first Fantastic 4 movie was able to pull off Chris Evans and Jessica Alba being related—just saying. You can blame bigots for not accepting Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm before seeing the finished product, but you can't blame them for your poor writing capabilities in the script itself.

No Girls Allowed

Sue doesn't get to go with them to the other dimension in the inaugural expedition. What a bunch of dicks. She's an equal part of this team and you just made this a boy's club.

Johnny Storm is a Wuss

Why is the hotshot risk-taking daredevil character who lives life with a flippant attitude, negligent to danger and laughing in the face of action the one complaining that they should go back and not explore the new dimension?

Area 57

.......................fuck you.

Mole Man

Thankfully, this is a problem that was fixed with reshoots. Originally, Tim Blake Nelson was supposed to be Harvey Elder, who is The Mole Man in the comics. Nelson not only looks nothing like the character, he also has nothing in common with him, so his name was changed to Dr. Allen. I always say that I love cameos from source material characters in these types of films, but that doesn't mean you just slap their name on some random mook and say it's the same thing.

For the record, Mole Man sucks anyway.

The Reveal 2.0

Why is there a scene where The Thing hides in the shadows and then steps out to let the audience see what he looks like after we've already seen what he looks like in an earlier scene? If you swapped these scenes around, it would make more sense to have this be the reveal. Come on, guys, this is basic filmmaking 101 here.

Fantastic 43 Confirmed Kills

It's unsettling to me that in this incarnation, The Thing is a weapon for the government that has killed at least 43 people. Did he need to be a killer? Couldn't he have been used as a weapon without having confirmation on screen that he's murdered people? This means Ben Grimm can be viewed as more of a killer than The Hulk, who has eaten people in the comics.

Headbutt

Finally when an action scene starts to happen, it ends super abruptly and in such a lame way. Just do yourself a favor and check out The Thing headbutting Reed when someone eventually posts the clip on YouTube or makes a GIF of it. It's so awkward, clumsy and underwhelming.

"There is no Victor. There is only Doom."

Woooooow, this is the type of ridiculous dialogue that I thought comic book films were done with.

Also, don't you mean there is no Doom, only Domashev?

Also, don't you mean there is no Dana, only Zuul? Hold the phone, I think I just figured something out. These writers must have watched Ghostbusters, ripped that line off for this terrible reboot movie, and then decided to write the horrible upcoming reboot of the Ghostbusters franchise as well!

Just the same as the video gamer aspect, why did these writers ever think that the comic book audience would accept Victor von Doom being named Victor Domashev? I'll admit that I'm fully aware that "Victor von Doom" is incredibly cheesy, but changing it upsets fans and we're living in a world where Groot and Rocket Raccoon are widely accepted.

Am I Watching Man of Steel?

Look at that big energy beam. It's causing a lot of damage. Someone should stop that soon or there's going to be a ton of casualties. Oh well, maybe Batman will get pissed about it and kill these idiots.

I've Got the Power by Snap

That is one of my favorite songs of all time. I love it. What I don't love is how Dr. Doom has the power to blow people up at the snap of his fingers (actually, he doesn't even need to do that) but he can only do that to the nameless and faceless extras as well as the sacrificial lamb, Dr. Allen. Somehow, Franklin Storm lasts long enough to get out some dying words and our four "heroes" (lol they're so not heroic) can fight Doom without him just turning them into a puddle. That fight should not have been a struggle in the slightest regard.

That Fight is a Struggle...to Watch

The way this origin story was handled as well as the dialogue are clearly more suited for the early 2000s era of comic book movies rather than 2015 and apparently the action comes from that time period, too.

This big, climactic battle is basically just everyone standing around waiting to do a couple mediocre (at best) things that aren't in the slightest bit memorable or even coherent at times. Choreography aside, even the way Doom is defeated is poorly done. The first F4 film had the team work together to contain a supernova blast and cool Doom down after he was heated up. This movie has them toss him into a portal and the rest is basically "shit happens because science, but don't ask us to explain it."

What's in a Name?

When writing this film, I can just imagine people getting giddy over the end sequence where the team names themselves, thinking that the audience would love it. Nope.

The dialogue is terrible in more ways than one, with part of it literally being:

"I think that the four of us should have a name." - Reed
"Why would we need a name?" - Sue
"Because we're a team now, and there's four of us, so we should...come up with a name for it." - Reed

And there's four of us. Well, if there's ever a reason why you would need a name, it's that.

Cutting off before saying the actual name "The Fantastic Four" is totally not the epic ending they were expecting, either. Instead, it's pretty much the perfect way to finish a film that spits in the face of what it's trying to accomplish. Maybe, since they didn't actually get called that team name in the film, we can all just chalk this up to them not actually being The Fantastic Four! That sounds like head canon to me!

Other Miscellaneous Problems

• When Ben and Reed first do their teleportation experiment, they lose the toy car. Wouldn't it have been neat if they stumbled across it on Earth Zero after going there? Sure, it would be wildly coincidental, but with how this film plays with logic, it wouldn't be inexcusable, and it would serve an emotional purpose by hearkening back to what started it all, proving to them that all their trials and tribulations can amount to something great.
• Johnny acted jealous of Sue for one scene and one scene only. After that, they almost don't even interact with one another all that much. Let's just drop that plot point off into an abyss, shall we?
• Why is Ben Grimm shorter than Reed Richards?
• Why did you show me the best part of the whole film, the fist bump scene, in the trailers and ruin it?
• I wasn't a fan of them being drunk when deciding to go to the other dimension, but that's not a huge sin for this movie (especially compared to everything else)
• What did Victor eat or drink for that year he was gone?
• For that matter, how does The Thing urinate? At least when he had pants on, we didn't have a definitive answer to the question "does he still have a dick?"
• "He's stronger than any of us." / "But he's not stronger than all of us." - amateur hour in the dialogue department

This is an abysmal entry in the superhero film genre tantamount to how bad X-Men: The Last Stand was to that franchise, and it doesn't even have the strength of the first two X-Men films to help lessen the blow as its predecessors sucked as well, just not as much. That in itself speaks volumes when you can say the previous two films are not only better representations of the characters, but better films in general because they're more enjoyable to this fundamentally flawed and entirely joyless flick.

News regarding the Lionsgate and Saban Brands 2017 movie reboot of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers has been rather minimal in the months since its announcement in May 2014. Currently, only names of the writers, Zack Stentz and Ashley Edward Miller (Thor, X-Men:First Class), director Dean Israelite (Project Almanac), executive producers Jon Feltheimer and Shuki Levy, and producers Brian Casentini, Haim Saban, and Allison Shearmur had been announced, with no legitimate cast attached. It was recently revealed by Collider that sources close to the project have given them the character descriptions of the protagonists involved.

The Original Power Rangers!

Fans of the original television series can rest assured that the movie does in fact plan on some new takes on some very familiar teenagers with attitude:

Jason – 17 years old, the makings of someone or something great if he would just get out of his own way. Jason was a legend in town—a freshman quarterback with the skills to take him all the way. People knew his name and children wore his jersey, until one night Jason wrapped his car around a pole and busted out his knee. Everything Jason was going to become ended in an instant. With that, he lost himself. When we meet him at the start of the film, he’s a kid in need of redemption. By the end, he'll be leading this disparate group of teens as they shed their individual baggage and find who they truly are.

Kimberly – 17 years old, unconventionally cool the way all popular girls wish they were. In fact, she was one of those girls but isn't anymore, not since she’s returned to school after a 6-month absence. Rumors are flying as to why she left, but she seems not to care; she’s come back with a new rebel-without-a-cause, edgy attitude. The truth is, however, it’s all masking a deep secret that makes her feel profoundly vulnerable.

Trini – 17 years old, mysterious and extremely bright. Her parents constantly move for work, making her the perpetual new girl to any school. A loner who owns it, Trini is self-sufficient and contemplative but always observant. All she wants is to find a gang of friends, but she’ll never admit it—least of all to herself.

Billy – 17 years old, slight and awkward. Billy is challenged in his abilities to communicate and interact socially. Whip-smart and sweet but always odd, sometimes in a fun way, sometimes not, Billy is a kid with no filter. Showing his emotions, understanding sarcasm, and dealing with his OCD is a constant challenge. He has never really had any friends and instantly gravitates toward Jason.

Zack – 17 years old, always the life of the party. Filled with bravado and swagger, Zack’s tough and cool on the exterior. A charming guy who’s never had trouble with the one-liners or lacked confidence around women. A great athlete that’s never wanted to play on any team but his own. Zack advertises everything about himself except the truth: that he lives in a trailer park with his single mom. Because of this, he feels deeply inferior to all his peers.

After looking over these descriptions, it seems to fall into line with earlier statements from Dean Israelite regarding the "mature but still playful" nature of the script. I hope that the movie will involve some martial arts for the characters just like Jason in the show. In the end, I hope they can still make the film enjoyable and family-friendly in the same way the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been.

Speaking of tone, it was recently revealed by That Hashtag Show that sources close to the production say the tone will be similar to that of the original Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies with a dynamic of The Breakfast Club seen among the teenagers. This isn't a bad move for the small-scale character moments, but I also hope that the large-scale action will be more akin to The Avengers and Pacific Rim.

It was also revealed that actor Logan Miller (from Disney XD's I'm in the Band and the voice actor of Nova from Ultimate Spider-Man) was in talks with Dean Israelite for the movie. As the movie appears to follow the original series, it can be assumed he will be playing our favorite nerd Billy.

Billy?

So what do you think of the character descriptions? Do you like the way Jason and the gang will be portrayed? What do you all think of Logan Miller as a Ranger? Let us know in the comments below!

Episode 19 of the Fanboys Anonymous Reviewpoint podcast reviews the leaked pilot episode of Minority Report, a brand new television series based on the previous 2002 film by Steven Spielberg starring Tom Cruise set to premiere on FOX on September 21, 2015.

Is episode 1 of Minority Report a good start to a series worth checking out or is the show doomed to be cancelled? How does it compare to its movie predecessor? Can we see the future of this show being a success or do the precogs say it will fail?

You can check out the podcast below on YouTube, iTunes, and Stitcher. Make sure to subscribe!

Episode 18 of the Fanboys Anonymous Reviewpoint podcast reviews the leaked pilot of Lucifer, a brand new television series based on the DC Comics character set to premiere on FOX in 2016. Is episode 1 of Lucifer a good start to a series worth checking out or is the show doomed to be cancelled?

You can check out the podcast below on YouTube, iTunes, and Stitcher. Make sure to subscribe!

On episode 22 of the Fanboys Anonymous Group Meeting podcast, the panel has a roundtable discussion about the pros and cons of seeing movies at the theater.

Hosted by Tony Mango, the panel includes Chris Dace, Calen Ferris, and Stephen Wago.

Some topics we address:

• Ticket prices
• Cost of concessions
• AMC Stubs vs. MovieWatcher
• Bulk subscription ticket deals
• Online piracy as an alternative
• Standard vs. RealD 3D vs. IMAX vs. XD Extreme Digital Cinema
• Mass shootings in movie theaters such as Aurora and Lafayette

You can watch the podcast below. Make sure to subscribe!

The Simpsons has been my absolute favorite television show for essentially my entire life, despite the decline in quality over the years. Sure, the show hasn't been good in over a decade, but that doesn't mean the first dozen or so seasons aren't still fantastic!

Since I've grown up with the show, I've learned quite a bit from it about some of the most random things imaginable, ranging from pop culture references to things like how to greet someone in Japanese. It's kind of astonishing how much more I've learned from this animated sitcom in comparison to what I learned in college, and how much it's shaped aspects of my life. I've made friends while bonding over the show, and some of what happens in the series has found its way into my own character.

Inspired by a post on Facebook that brought up the topic, I thought I would present to you a list of just some of the quotes that I've picked up from The Simpsons and adopted into my everyday life and speech patterns. Enjoy!

"I haven't said anything in a while." —Bart Simpson

[From "Simpson Safari," episode 265, season 12, original air date April 1, 2001]

While other characters are talking things out, Bart chimes in out of the blue after not having spoken for quite some time. When everyone looks at him in surprise, he simply expresses this. You'd have to imagine that the writers just realized that Bart literally hadn't said anything in a while, so they tossed this line in there to poke fun at it. Frequently, if I realize that I've been silent for a good chunk of time while other people are talking (outside of when I'm just supposed to be listening, of course), I'll typically say something random and follow it up with this line.

"Oh, I get it! I get jokes." —Homer Simpson

[From "The Last Temptation of Krust," episode 193, season 9, original air date February 22, 1998]

Simply put, Homer doesn't understand what's so funny about a joke (told by one of my favorite comedians of all time, Steven Wright—seriously, go check out his stuff, it's hilarious) and reaches a point where he basically just gives up and laughs. This has become my go-to response when I'm in this situation and I feel as though I'm particularly stupid for not getting a joke.


"So then I says to Mabel, I says…I'll finish this later. / So anyway, I says to Mabel, I says…" —Bart Simpson

[From "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer," episode 162, season 8, original air date January 5, 1997]

This was such a random thing to put in this episode—especially for Bart and Lisa to be the ones in the conversation—and it always struck me as a funny non sequitur to pull out of nowhere, just to fill time when you're shooting the breeze with someone and running out of small talk.


"Meh." —Lisa Simpson

[From "Hungry, Hungry Homer," episode 263, season 12, original air date March 4, 2001]

This word first appeared in a different episode ("Sideshow Bob Roberts"), but it solidified itself with Lisa's emphatic use. Like "yoink," this is so ingrained in my lexicon that it often doesn't register to me as something I picked up from the show. "Meh" is a fundamentally perfect word that gives off exactly the vibe it's supposed to and also is constructed in a way that even when you say it, you're almost forced to say it with a half-assed attitude. How great is that?


"Yoink!" —various

[First appeared in "Duffless," episode 75, season 4, original air date February 18, 1993]

Supposedly this originated from The Flintstones, but The Simpsons have given the sound-effect-turned-word a whole new life. I originally didn't have this on my list because saying it when grabbing something is so natural to me now that I'd forgotten I picked it up from the show; it just feels like something everyone who knows English should say. The Simpsons Archive has a list of some yoinks from over the years.


"Ahoy, hoy." —Mr. Burns

[From "Homer the Smithers," episode 145, season 7, original air date February 25, 1996]

Showing off his old-timey ways, Mr. Burns answers the phone like this, which was the original greeting Alexander Graham Bell had planned to use for the telephone. You'd be surprised how many people have no idea what the hell you're saying if you answer the phone in this fashion.


"Go to bread." —Bart Simpson

[From "My Sister, My Sitter," episode 170, season 8, original air date March 2, 1997]

In the episode, Bart is being incredibly annoying to Lisa because she's entrusted to be his babysitter, so he tries to make the experience a living hell. When she tells him to go to bed, she finds him sitting down at the kitchen table, just eating bread. The word games ensue, where he suggests that she told him to "go to bread" rather than bed. Although I don't find myself in situations where I need to pull this to annoy someone, I will sometimes refer to going to sleep as "going to bread" in the hope that some fellow fan will catch the reference and chuckle.


"Ooooh he likes eggs." —Chief Wiggum

[From "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?," episode 229, season 11, original air date October 24, 1999]

After Homer gets a job as a food critic, there's a plot to kill him at a local food festival. When that plot is foiled, our standard trio of cops (Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou) discuss what to get to eat, and Lou says he's in the mood for frittatas. Wiggum and Eddie crack up laughing long enough for the pastry chef to escape custody, and Wiggum puts a stamp on his laughter with a simple "Ooooh, he likes eggs."

I love the idea of laughing hysterically at a joke, and when you've finally calmed down, reiterating what was so funny about it that made you laugh in the first place.

Lou and his frittatas.

"[laughter] Oh, mercy." —Seymour Skinner

[From "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song," episode 100, season 5, original air date April 28, 1994]

Skinner is such an uptight character that it's great to see him genuinely enjoying himself in this episode, laughing at how problematic things have gotten for Ned Flanders, who takes over his job as principal. Skinner laughs so much that he says this when he has to calm down. Over the years, uproarious belly laughter will get this punctuation from me, often after I've reiterated why I'm laughing from the entry above.

"I was saying Boo-urns." —Hans Moleman

[From "A Star is Burns," episode 121, season 6, original air date March 5, 1995]

While everyone was booing at Mr. Burns, Smithers tries to cover it up by saying that they're not booing, they're actually saying "Boo-urns" instead. Burns asks the crowd to clarify this, and of course, they deny it—except for Hans Moleman, who pathetically declares that he was indeed saying "Boo-urns" the whole time.

Naturally, if there's a crowd booing, this pops into my mind.



"Eh, sure, why not?" —Lyle Lanley

[From "Marge vs. the Monorail," episode 71, season 4, original air date January 14, 1993]

Can the monorail outrun The Flash? You betcha. Can Superman outrun The Flash? Eh, sure, why not?

This would be in the top three of the most used ones on this list for me. It's become the go-to phrasing and cadence for whenever I'm not sure what an answer is, and I really don't care all that much. Side note: this is one of my absolute favorite episodes, and it's a shame I don't get a chance to argue that Batman's a scientist or say that I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut, too.


"It's funny 'cause it's true." —Homer Simpson / Fat Tony D'Amico

[From "Bart the Murderer," episode 39, season 3, original air date October 10, 1991 as well as "Lisa the Greek," episode 49, season 3, original air date January 23, 1992]

This one has actually even spawned a non-Simpsons variation out of its frequency of use. Back in my high school days, a couple of friends of mine were also big fans of the show, and it became natural for us to use this, so one of my buddies actually followed it up with "It's funny, cause I'm laughing." That really doesn't make all that much sense, but it took the comedy of this phrase to the next level for me anyway. Many situations are legitimately funny because they're true, but it's so much better to use this when something's clearly a joke to turn it into a secondary joke that is a bit meaner.


"I have to go now!" —Seymour Skinner

[From "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson," episode 164, season 8, original air date January 19, 1997]

Fortunately, I've never had the mafia point a gun at my head and bash my hands up, but if I'm feeling awkward, especially if I can tell that someone else wants me to leave a scenario, instead of just saying I'm going to leave, I'll toss this quote out there to point out to everyone else how awkward I feel.


"Neeeeeeeeerd!" —Homer Simpson

[From "Homer Goes to College," episode 84, season 5, original air date October 14, 1993]

Do I need to explain this?


"Then they found out it was the baby………[cough]." —Bart Simpson

[From "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular," episode 138, season 7, original air date December 3, 1995]

Obviously, I don't frequently find myself able to use this whole phrase, but similar to the post-laughter sayings above, if I think I brushed over something really big and ended my sentence abruptly, there's naturally going to be a bit of a pause. If that pause is pretty long and awkward, I'll follow it up with a cough to retroactively take responsibility for how uncomfortable the silence was.





*cough*

"Everything's coming up Milhouse!" —Milhouse Van Houten

[From "Mom and Pop Art," episode 222, season 10, original air date April 11, 1999]

Is there a better way to express how everything is going well in your life than this quote?


"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" —Rainier Wolfcastle

[From "Radioactive Man," episode 130, season 7, original air date September 24, 1995]

I'm pretty sure the first thing I said when I got glasses was this line, followed up with "I'm kidding, I'll take them."


"Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!" —Barney Gumble

[From "Bart Sells His Soul," episode 132, season 7, original air date October 8, 1995]

I have a particularly horrible sleep schedule—like, horrible, horrible. There's entire weeks where I may only sleep a couple of hours. On top of this, I spend the majority of my time in the house working on stuff, and I'm not much of an outdoorsy guy, but even when I am outside, I prefer moonlight over sunlight, so if it's too damn bright outside, I can be heard genuinely saying this.

"Hey Lenny, sending some outgoing mail?"
"You know it."
"I'll probably send some tomorrow."
"I hear that!"
[High five, followed by awkward exit] —Carl Carlson and Lenny Leonard

[From "E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)," episode 231, season 11, original air date November 7, 1999]

I love the lack of enthusiasm behind how mundane this is. It's the type of conversation you have on a regular basis but immediately forget because of how utterly pointless to your day it is. If I feel like I'm with someone and we need some small talk, I'll take inspiration from this, point out something that they're doing, let them know that I'll probably do the same thing soon, and then I'll leave.

"Lousy Smarch weather" —Homer Simpson

[From "Treehouse of Horror VI," episode 134, season 7, original air date October 29, 1995]

Smarch is the worst month, isn't it? If it's around March and anything is going on with the weather, rest assured I'll be saying this quite often. Hell, even if it isn't around March, it can still be referenced.


"Ha ha, you love me." —Bart Simpson

[From "Lisa's Pony," episode 43, season 3, original air date November 7, 1991]

This one is pretty self-explanatory as well, isn't it? This isn't the only quote from this scene on this list, though…


"Mm. Buh. Sna." —Homer Simpson

[Also from "Lisa's Pony," episode 43, season 3, original air date November 7, 1991]

Those aren't even words, but I think they're perfectly cromulent and can embiggen any sentence.


"If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker." —Homer Simpson

[From "Much Apu About Nothing," episode 151, season 7, original air date May 5, 1996]

This is SUCH a good joke. Why is Bart the only one laughing? I think it's perhaps the wittiest thing Homer's character has ever said and legitimately just a hilarious zinger.


"I can still make you happy, to the max!" —Gamestation 252

[from "Lisa the Tree Hugger," episode 252, season 12, original air date November 19, 2000]

Even though this doesn't tie itself to '90s culture in the episode, I tend to pull "to the max" out when referring to something that's totally radical from that era.

"Gotta nuke something." —Nelson Muntz

[from "Lisa's Date with Density," episode 160, season 8, original air date December 15, 1996]

I'm pretty outspoken, so once in a while, I'll say something that will get under someone else's skin because they consider me horribly insensitive. I'm totally not a horrible monster, but if I were to say something such as I'm not a vegetarian because bacon tastes too good, and someone asked how I could eat an animal, I'd likely respond with either something snarky like "on a lightly toasted bun" or a general statement of passive acceptance like "gotta ____ something," such as "gotta eat something."


"It's just a little dirty! It's still good! It's still good!" —Homer Simpson

[From "Lisa the Vegetarian," episode 133, season 7, original air date October 15, 1995]

This comes from one of my favorite episodes, wherein Lisa pushes Homer's pig off the grill, and it goes through the bushes, into the road, through a dam's spillway, and then is rocketed into the sky. I don't eat things that I drop on the ground, but if I'm in a lighthearted enough mood, I'll tend to throw this phrase out there if only to make myself laugh at the situation.

Bonus points for another one of my favorite jokes with Wiggum laughing at the pig's nose.


"Oh yeah? Come here a minute!" —Homer Simpson

[From "A Tale of Two Springfields," episode 250, season 12, original air date November 5, 2000]

I'll admit, I use lowbrow expressions from time to time. Thus why this list is so long!


I'm sure there are dozens, if not hundreds more that I don't currently remember and some that I may not even realize I've picked up from The Simpsons, but this is just a taste of how influential a TV show can be on your life—or at least on mine.

What are some of your favorite quotes from The Simpsons that you've adopted into your regular speech patterns? Do you instinctively say "D'oh!" when you're angry or position your hands like Mr. Burns when you say something is "excellent"? Are you guilty of saying "zork" and referring to bananas as yellow fatty-beans?

Enlighten us on all the craptacular things you say by leaving a comment below, especially if you pronounce it "avoision," you Kwyjibos!

Hey, hey, hey, Dacetacular nation! Check out episode 111 of The Dace Man Show with hosts The Dace Man  as he pays homage to the late great Rowdy Roddy Piper!

::SPORTS NEWS::

• The NHL, MLB, NFL, and our favorite: curling!

::WEIRD NEWS WITH GIBBY::

•  Gibby brings the class to the show with weird things going on in the world!

::FRANK'S CORNER::

• Frank-tastic facts for your everyday life

::CELEB NEWS::

• Dace is back, and he's packing a punch since he's on some diet pills and Red Bull. Get ready Hollywood!

Plus the occasional game of Who Said It, the crowning of The Doucebag of The Week, and much, much more, only on The Dace Man Show.



As always, check back regularly to see what Chris "The Dace Man" Dace is looking at (and no, not just porn), as well as all of the other bloggers here at Fanboys Anonymous. Remember, keyboard warriors: leave your feedback! Until the next time, for the few, the proud, and, of course, the Dacetacular, grab a beer—and in this case a comfy seat in front of your computer—and check out what's going on here in the Dace-Sphere. See ya next time!


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At the E3 press conference in June, we got a first look at Destiny: The Taken King's gameplay and new Guardian subclasses (Warlock's Electrical Storm, Hunter's Void Bow, and the Titan's Solar Hammer), and Guardians have one more month of waiting before finally taking on the Fallen Hive King Oryx. With enough content that is double the size of Destiny's two previous DLCs, The Taken King is packed with big upgrades you're going to be excited for.

Since its release in September 2014, Destiny has been notorious for its conflated and unusual progression system, and The Taken King will not be left out of Bungie's trend in changing the level progression with each DLC. Destiny's third expansion, to be released next month, will rely solely on the player's experience gains to reach the new level cap of 40.

From the beginning, XP was used to reach level 20 and was replaced by "Light" to further level up. Grinding in Strikes, Crucible, and Raids became an annoying obligation in order to search for armor drops with increased Light, making many players stuck at a lower level until the sporadic loot drop favored them. It only got worse when The Dark Below introduced Vanguard and Crucible Commendations that were used to buy new armor or weapons, and the only way to obtain one was to fully rank up again and again.

The House of Wolves introduced its own way to obtain its level 34 cap by requiring Etheric Light from completing Level 35 Prison of Elders to level up current armor or by obtaining Armor Cores to buy gear from Veriks. Vanguard and Crucible marks were once again the regular form of currency, but for players without a strong fire team, the absence of matchmaking in Prison of Elders past level 28 meant many were stuck on level 32.

According to GameInformer, "experience now feeds directed into your level progression all the way from one to the new level cap of 40," making Light no longer useful—though how it actually ties into what little of the storyline we know of has yet to be explained since the Hive thirst for the guardian's light. This traditional way of leveling up allows experience to determine what level you are, not what your character is wearing. Though new armor and weapons will provide increased power, they will be unlocked as you level up instead of the current open level 20. "The conflation of gear and character level led to this place where your identity was determined by things outside of your control, creative director Luke Smith told GameInformer. "We don't want to do that."

Although loot will no longer determine your level, Bungie will also be upgrading how the loot is dropped. The new algorithm will now pay closer attention to what the player already has when determining what to drop so they will receive loot meaningful to their level. That also means less drops of items already attained [finally, because I have no need for five of "Her Right Hand"].

Current Crucible and Vanguard marks will be replaced with Legendary marks while "Armor Materials" will replace Hadronic Essence, Sapphire Wire, and Plasteel Plating. Wearing class items will no longer be required to gain reputation; instead Guardians will "pledge allegiance" to a faction.

Players have so far grown accustomed to Peter Dinklage's voice behind the Ghost, but that is all about to change in The Taken King. Destiny's two previous expansions saw a complete absence of the Ghost's narrative, though GameInformer reported that the Ghost will have an even more important role within the game and will be replaced by voice actor Nolan North (Uncharted, Assassin's Creed). North will be redoing all of the current dialogue to maintain consistency throughout the game and will bring his own touch to the character, adding a more current connection to the Guardian.

The Taken King will be packed with narrative-driven story that includes over eight new missions, eight new Crucible maps with three new modes—Mayhem, Rift, and Zone Control—strikes, class quests, and the final raid—King's Fall.

The Taken King will be available September 15 on disc and digital download.

Developer Digital Extremes released a major update for Warframe. As with all of their major updates, it comes with brand new locations, weapons, bug fixes, and cosmetic equipment. It doesn't end there, however; there are also new quests, boss battles, and a overhauled parkour system. It feels more like an expansion than an update.

The part I'm most excited about is the new frame, Equinox. The power of this warframe lies in its dual modes, Day and Night. Each power performs differently based on the mode you are in. The first power is Metamorphosis, which toggles between the modes and also gives a visual queue to which form you're in. In Day form, you get a damage and speed buff, whereas in Night form you get a shield and armor buff.

This motif of Day being offensive and Night being defensive carries through the other three abilities. The second ability, Rest and Rage, debuffs enemies in a small area in Day form and puts enemies to sleep in Night form. The third ability, Pacify and Provoke, buffs allies' power strength in Day form and reduces damage dealt by enemies in Night form. The last ability, Main and Mend, inflicts damage in two parts on a group of enemies while in Day mode and heals allies per each enemy death for a time in Night form.

Are you ready to play as the twilight ninja, Equinox?

Episode 17 of the Fanboys Anonymous Reviewpoint podcast reviews the latest film in the Mission: Impossible series, entitled: Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation.

You can check out the podcast below on YouTube, iTunes, and Stitcher. Make sure to subscribe!

Welcome to the latest edition of Making the Grade—a review format segment here on Fanboys Anonymous where we break down the five major components of something and give it a score based on the standard report card lineup: A, B, C, D, and F for a total failure.

The next report card is for the fifth film in the story of the best spy for the Impossible Mission Force, Ethan Hunt, entitled Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation.

Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation—directed by Christopher McQuarrie; written by Christopher McQuarrie (screenplay and story), Drew Pearce (story), and Bruce Geller (television series); starring Tom Cruise (Ethan Hunt), Jeremy Renner (William Brandt), Simon Pegg (Benji Dunn), Rebecca Ferguson (Ilsa Faust), Ving Rhames (Luther Stickell), Sean Harris (Solomon Lane) and Alec Baldwin (Alan Hunley).

CHARACTERS: B+

Ethan Hunt is the same as ever, so that's either a positive or a negative to you (I've heard some criticize the character for being too wooden in comparison to James Bond while others think he's awesome because he's less of a jerk than 007). While I prefer Bond and it's not even a close race, I like the Ethan Hunt character precisely because he's a bit of a change of pace and not just an attempt to clone Bond. He's got a bit of a rougher edge to him this time around, though, which is another good thing. In the first Mission: Impossible, he never even fires a gun, but I can't imagine being wrong in stating that he kills more people in this film than any others. Hunt remains the standout boyscout in many ways despite this, and I appreciated that.

William Brandt is a bit of a wet blanket again, similar to his role in Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. While that's okay and I still like his character overall, I wouldn't be surprised if someone considered him their least favorite character of the bunch.

That is, of course, especially because there's the two comedic techies—Benji Dunn and Luther Stickell—who steal nearly every scene they're in. I've liked both of these characters in all of the films and I'm particularly fond of them actually using Stickell, since he was missed from the previous entry.

Ilsa Faust is a capable agent who has loyalties, makes tough decisions, and comes off genuine as well as pretty bad ass. I don't expect to see her back, as this franchise likes to employ new women in each installment, but this is a great trend with her and Paula Patton's character beforehand of beautiful and admirable women.

As far as the villains go, Solomon Lane is creepy, cold and calculating. Awesome. Vintor is...meh, a henchman. He's not bad, but he's nothing too memorable. The stereotypical bureaucratic enemies that get in the way are pretty standard and also nothing out of the ordinary, yet that's not a negative mark. I'm very happy that the temptation to reveal a certain character as a villain was ignored, but I won't say who.

ACTING: B

Movies like this aren't "actors' films" by any means, so it's really just a matter of whether you're able to suspend your disbelief enough to have fun, which I did. I really don't have all that much more to say for this section other than to point out that Tom Cruise is crazy for doing a lot of these stunts, but it shows his dedication.

VISUALS (FX, MAKEUP, COSTUMES, SETS): B+

It was a breath of fresh air to not see a 3D movie, as even though I go for those all the time over the regular versions, I often don't see much of a reasoning for it. The opera set was nice, the plane sequence was impressive, and I really have no complaints.

MUSIC & SOUND: B

Outside of the main theme, the score doesn't ring a bell in a way where I'll be wanting to get the soundtrack. That main theme, though, is so good. Normally, I don't have much to say in terms of sound design, but there was a sequence at the end when I particularly noticed just how much of a punch each gunshot had and when glass would shatter on a car, it was very crisp. Very cool.

TONE (ACTION, ROMANCE, COMEDY): B+

ACTION: The action in this isn't as over the top in too many ways compared to some things seen in other films, but I actually prefer that. Every action sequence was fun to watch and kept my attention rather than dragging on for too long or coming off unnecessary.

COMEDY: Not too many laughs to be distracting, but just enough to bring some levity to relieve tension. Nice.

ROMANCE: There really isn't any romance in this film, but that's okay. These are meant to be action films with a little bit of comedy peppered throughout, not date movies.

FINAL GRADE: B+

You don't go into a Mission: Impossible movie and expect something different than what this is. I enjoyed myself from start to finish, even though it's not something that will be winning awards or studied in film class. It's not just mindless action, though, as those movies tend to bore me, so don't write the film off entirely as nothing but explosions. All in all, this series keeps getting better with each new movie, and while this was only the second that I've seen in theaters, I'm sure to be watching M:I 6 (wait a second...MI6? Hm....) as well.

Hey, hey, hey, Dacetacular nation! Check out Episode 110 of The Dace Man Show with host Frank Ward! It's another Frank Take Over, and this time it's a complete Iowan Invasion! Join Frank Ward, Travis Sullivan, Jefferson Brown, and Gibby as they take over The Dace Man Show in The Dace Man's hiatus!

What did the Iowan crew discuss this week on The Dace Man Show? Word from down on the corner is that they introduced some new segments. Also, the Iowan Crew discussed how great the state of Iowa really is as a jab at the usually dominant New Jersey crew.

With The Dace Man, Nicholas Andrew, and Tricia all M.I.A. this week, anything goes. In one of the final shows of Frank broadcasting with his home state Iowa, the new team gives you a show to pay homage to the state of Iowa!

All that and more on this week The Dace Man Show!



As always, check back regularly to see what Chris "The Dace Man" Dace is looking at (and no, not just porn), as well as all of the other bloggers here at Fanboys Anonymous. Remember, keyboard warriors: leave your feedback! Until the next time, for the few, the proud, and, of course, the Dacetacular, grab a beer—and in this case a comfy seat in front of your computer—and check out what's going on here in the Dace-Sphere. See ya next time!


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If you're following the 2015 summer movie season, you know by now how records have been broken, but other things have been struggling a bit. There's no greater example of this weird atmosphere going on right now in movie land than when it comes to Pixels.

Coming partially from Happy Madison Productions—the camp responsible for Adam Sandler's films since his glory days of Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison (hence the namesake)—the film features Sandler and a handful of other names battling it out with old video games sent to destroy the human race from aliens.

Yeah, it sounds either absolutely dumb or absolutely awesome. Unfortunately, it seems to be the former, and those glory days where Sandler used to be a cash cow are not carrying over.

This film has been panned by critics and even if that were to have happened, but it would have been met with roaring success at the ticket booths, it would have been somewhat justified to make. However, that is not the case, as the film cost $88 million to produce and after another $20 million spent on distribution, marketing and so forth, the opening worldwide total of $49.4 million could prove problematic. It wasn't even able to take the top spot in its first week, so how can it be expected to make up ground now?

Pictured: the 4 people who went to go see Pixels this weekend

Much of the reasoning as to why this is happening no doubt stems from the perception that this looks like a terrible film to a lot of people. I continually keep hearing from people that the premise sounds interesting, but knowing Adam Sandler and Kevin James are involved is an immediate turn off and the previews did nothing but convince them to not spend their $15 for a ticket.

Outside of a bad overall image, another one of the biggest reasons for why Pixels is struggling to find an audience is because its audience is already busy watching other movies. This film was booked in perhaps the worst possible time that it could ever open up.

Right now, at the end of July, people are panicking that the summer is almost over and want to get in as many outdoor activities as possible. Some are also getting ready for school, while others have burned through their cash after partying and going on vacation in June and July. Even if they wanted to go to the movies, though, there are alternatives out there that are coming off as much more appealing.

The overall theme for this movie season seems to be comedy—not necessarily 100% in the laugh department, but also in terms of having fun and feeling happy when leaving the theater.

As far as pure comedy goes, if you're into dopey humor, you might have spent your money on Spy (oddly enough, that movie is not an action thriller, while Dope is not out there for laughs...go figure). You damn sure most likely didn't see Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 back in April, but that could have soured you on wanting to see another Kevin James movie, as you could associate his one bad film for being an overall portrait of "he is not funny" and extend it to this.

Maybe you want to laugh, but you also want to go on a date. Right now, you're probably going to be watching Trainwreck if you're not one of the stragglers who will go see Pitch Perfect 2 or Ted 2 or if you're a teenager, Paper Towns.

If this was supposed to market toward kids, too late, as they've seen Inside Out and Minions and some other movies, such as Jurassic World and Ant-Man. Those latter two also have the added element of nostalgia, which Terminator Genisys does as well, so there goes any hope of tapping into the people that have felt a longing for their childhood being brought to life on screen.

Things aren't going to get any better for Pixels anytime soon, either. Coming up next week is Vacation, which will cut into both the nostalgic and comedic audience. Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation is an action film with a much more serious tone, so if you were interested in seeing this movie for the action, you'll be more attracted to that. Despite how it is probably going to run into the same problems that Pixels is facing right now, Fantastic 4 comes out at the beginning of August, so that will help push Pixels down even further because it will at least have the comic book audience.

Then, it will be hit with The Man from U.N.C.L.E.—which I'm also assuming won't do too well, but it looks fun and it will click with the action audience. American Ultra is sure to get in the way, similarly, and then bam, Hitman: Agent 47 brings all that action and the video game element as well.

With an overload of pretty much every type of movie element out there that Pixels would like to be, it seems like the only thing is truly is happens to be underwhelming.

Having not seen the film, I can't say whether or not this is all justified, but that in itself speaks volumes, as I won't be paying money to see it in theaters, either. I've spent enough money at the movies so far this year and I already know that I'll be seeing SPECTRE, Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens and several other movies, so I don't have it in me to gamble $15 on something that looks bad, sounds bad according to critics, and has no positive word of mouth...and I know full well that I'll eventually watch this movie down the line, too.

Had this film come out earlier in the year in the months of February or March before Avengers: Age of Ultron swept April, it would have had the jump on all of these movies and been there first with little to no competition. Now, it's a small fish in the big pond of summer blockbuster time and unlike the video games in the film, there aren't any cheat codes or extra lives to make up for failing level 1—the opening week box office.

Hey, hey, hey, Dacetacular nation! The Dace Man is MIA again due to business trips that make him land late Wednesday nights. Check out episode 109 of The Dace Man Show with hosts Allie "Zoidberg" Koesek,   Patty McTitties, and Gibby!

::SPORTS NEWS::

• Curling!
• MLB Standings
• NFL News
• Plus more

::WEIRD NEWS WITH GIBBY::

• Surprisingly the saving grace of this episode...

::CELEB NEWS::

• Tits and Zoidberg run down the latest in Pop Culture News.

All that and more, only on The Dace Man Show Presents: The Tits & Zoidberg Show.



As always, check back regularly to see what Chris "The Dace Man" Dace is looking at (and no, not just porn), as well as all of the other bloggers here at Fanboys Anonymous. Remember, keyboard warriors: leave your feedback! Until the next time, for the few, the proud, and, of course, the Dacetacular, grab a beer—and in this case a comfy seat in front of your computer—and check out what's going on here in the Dace-Sphere. See ya next time!


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A new trailer for the 24th entry in the James Bond film franchise, SPECTRE, has been released, giving us a better idea of the storyline and a closer look at some of the action set pieces. Watch the trailer below:

My Thoughts:

• This is the fourth Daniel Craig film and every single one of them has been at least somewhat about Bond working outside of MI6 and not really being himself. Casino Royale was him not even really being a 00 agent. Quantum of Solace he was somewhat excommunicated. Skyfall he was supposed to be dead and too old so he should hang up the boots. Now, this one is about him being chastised and them saying he should retire, again?? Come on, guys....can't Craig just be James Bond already? You already refuse to do the goddamn gun barrel sequence.
• I'm not a car guy, but that car seems pretty sweet.
• I'm also digging how Q Branch seems to be more legit.
• Monica Bellucci is so perfect for a Bond girl and it's kind of ridiculous that it's taken so long for her to be cast in one of these movies.
• Is that a rendition of the theme from On Her Majesty's Secret Service???? GEEK OUT MOMENT...even though I hate that movie in particular.
• Glad to see skiing is back in a Bond film.
• Christoph Waltz better be Blofeld.
• I'll be not only surprised, but also disappointed if it doesn't turn out that Quantum was just a subdivision of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. all along.

What do you think of the new trailer? Are you excited for the film? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below!

A cryptic message from Bond's past sends him on a trail to uncover a sinister organization. While M battles political forces to keep the secret service alive, Bond peels back the layers of deceit to reveal the terrible truth behind SPECTRE.

On episode 16 of the 4 Reel Movie Club podcast, Fanboys Anonymous members give their thoughts on the four films of the Mission: Impossible franchise leading up to the release of Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation.