Dark Skies Review | Fanboys Anonymous

Dark Skies Review

Posted by Unknown Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Dark Skies movie poster aliens abduction
This review contains potty-mouth language.

This film caught my eye because of its title. It shares the same titles as the super cheesy 90's TV show about UFOs, aliens, and government cover-ups and conspiracies. Sounds sort of like the X-files, right? Say yes, and I'll slap you.

Judging by the trailer alone, this movie looked awful. The scenes they chose for the trailer made the movie laughable. Being the lover of all things extraterrestrial that I am, I had to see this movie in theaters.

First, I'll give you a quick synopsis. The movie revolves around a struggling family of four. Then birds fly into their house. Aliens.

You still with me?

Right... Now let me take my filter off for a moment.

This movie tries to make you give a shit about the fact that daddy can't find a job and mommy sucks big, fat ass at being a realtor. It tries to make you give a shit about the oldest son struggling with his teen angst and the little brother who speaks every sentence as if he's asking a question. But in the end, it doesn't fucking matter. Aliens.


The aliens have technology or supernatural powers to render themselves invisible to the naked eye, to seemingly teleport, and to make their abductees lose control of their bodies. These are beings that traveled light-years through space to study human beings. Far more advanced than anything we humans are capable of. Yet these aliens resort to teenage level pranks to toy with their prey and "make themselves known."

The next time your house gets TPed, the next time you hear the door bell ring and open the door to find a burning bag of poop on your door step, the next time you get a phone call from someone asking if your refrigerator is running... you may be getting abducted by aliens in the middle of the night.

ancient aliens dark skies pranksters

Ok, I'm going to stop acting like I just completely hated the movie. The movie was actually entertaining aside from the fact that the character development is shit and the aliens are prankster douche bags. There were tense moments that made me clench my b-hole.

I thought for sure that I would be disappointed with the reveal of the antagonists at the end, as I am with most movies (Insidious, Mama, Signs). But we never actually got a really detailed, close-up look at these aliens. They stay shadowed and we're only able to see their figures. They didn't look cheesy and fit that typical "grey" type alien descriptions.

The movie takes a twist at the end, I've already spoiled enough, but I won't spoil this. It's not something that makes or breaks the film. Twists, in my opinion, should be shocking moments that make you scream "F'REAL!?!!" This movie's twist was pretty stale.

All of that being said, I didn't leave the theater feeling like I completely wasted my money as I do most of the time I see horror movies in theaters. Don't rush out to see it. Hell, wait for it to come out on Netflix or Red Box. Nay, try your damnedest to see it for free. If you do end up seeing it, you'll probably find yourself asking yourself the same thing I did the entire movie... "What the fuck is that on Keri Russell's upper lip?" Also, those aliens ate the SHIT out of that watermelon.

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