Fanboys Anonymous

Considering the versatility that Tom Hanks has demonstrated in his many roles over the past three decades, it is perhaps surprising that he hasn't yet donned a mask and tights and graced the big screen as a superhero, especially given the plethora of Marvel and DC films which have been jostling for our attention in recent years.

Tom Hanks wants a film that pits him against the Bat. Dare we suggest A [Justice] League of Their Own?

With his impressive pedigree, you could be forgiven for thinking the reason might be that Hanks considers a role in a big budget, costumed, popcorn extravaganza as beneath him. Not so, apparently. The real reason he's not been seen leaping buildings in a single-bound is, as he disclosed in a recent interview with The Showbiz 411, that he's never been asked. In fact, he so much wants to be cast in a super-powered blockbuster, he'd even consider playing the villain!

"They don’t ask me, man," he explained in answer to a fan's question. "I keep trying. Come on, I can do it. I can do it. Even let me play a bad guy; let me play the bad guy against Batman. I’ll do anything, call me. They’ve never asked. What do I gotta do? God, I want to throw a shield at somebody. I want that. And I don’t want to play the guy in the suit who tells the superheroes what’s going on, I don’t want to be that guy: Well, you know Batman, Captain America, Iron Man, here’s what we’ve discovered. I don’t want to be that guy. I want to get in there. I want to play The Flash or something like that. They’ll never give me a chance."

Tom Hanks as the Ventriloquist. Say hello to his leeetle friend!

Of course, with his own natural superpower having already mutated from a winning boyish charm into an altogether more powerful air of distinguished gravitas, at this stage in his career Hanks probably has about as much chance of being inducted into the Justice League as Lex Luthor. But that throwaway comment about playing a Bat-villain? Now that's a suggestion that Warner Brothers should really be taking seriously.

However, you'll notice that Hanks also said: "I keep trying", suggesting to fevered, gossip-hungry between-the-lines readers that he's already approached WB on a number of occasions. Now, in the long-established journalistic tradition of making it up as we go along, Fanboys Anonymous can exclusively reveal the names of some of the Bat-roles for which Hanks might have (but almost certainly hasn't) pitched his services.

The Ventriloquist

"I really wanted to play Arnold Wesker," he might well have said. "I tried to convince WB that I already had experience of playing against a non-human partner in Turner and Hooch, but they weren't convinced. I remember arguing that working with Kim Cattrell in The Bonfire of the Vanities was excellent preparation for playing opposite a wooden puppet, but I guess they just couldn't see it. In the end I did Castaway just to prove I could act with a completely inanimate object. I got a call-back after that, but it turned out they were only interested in casting Wilson as Scarface."

Tom Hanks. Proof that our problem with determining the meaning of life is that people just aren't wearing enough hats.

The Mad Hatter

"I think I'd have been a great Mad Hatter," Hanks almost certainly never said to Warner Brothers. "I pitched it to them a couple of times, but they hesitated, time moved on and, once Joel Schumacher handed the reins to Chris Nolan, a villain as flamboyant as Jervis Tetch just didn't fit the vision for the the Dark Knight franchise. It's a shame really. I even offered to provide my own hats. I still have my helmets from Saving Private Ryan and Apollo 13, my trilby from Road to Perdition and my peaked cap from The Green Mile. Hell, I even have Woody's stetson from Toy Story!"

Harley. Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you get nuts.

Harley Quinn

Even the most ardent fan of Hanks's versatility would probably concede that playing the Joker's girlfriend would have stretched even his undeniable talents to the limit. It's quite possible, in fact, that Hanks never had any intention of playing the psychotic psychiatrist at all, but was actually hoping to land the role of Marvel's norse God of Thunder. "I said I was interested in playing the blond one with the big hammer," he'd have probably said in that case. "I must admit, Warner Brothers did look a little surprised."

But could Hanks have really been in the running to play Harleen Quinzell? "Sure, I could play a woman," he'd have replied in theory. "I know I'm not as pretty as I used to be now that my curly locks have gone but, hey, that's what CGI is for. I could wear an Andy Serkis mo-cap suit. No problem. I did that for The Polar Express and Toy Story." A noted method actor, Hanks could have called upon another of his iconic roles for inspiration. "I know this character," he could quite credibly argue. "Vulnerable, ingenuous, easily put-upon and constantly abused by those she trusts most. It'd just be just like playing Forrest Gump all over again."

Killer Croc

"I'm not keen on prosthetics," Hanks could have said sadly. "But I'd have done anything for a chance to play Waylon Jones. I had this great idea for a sequel to Splash! in which my transformation into a merman at the end of the first movie would have gone wrong, making me part croc instead of part fish. It would have brought the two franchises together, but I guess DC just isn't into crossovers," he'd have added with a knowing wink. "It's a shame, really. I do a great southern drawl, and I know Daryl was up for it."

So, that's all the misinformation we have at this time, but what about you? Would you welcome the chance to see Hanks stalking the mean streets of Gotham? Let us know which Bat-villain you'd like to see him take on!