Fanboys Anonymous

The year was 1996. I was on leave from high school and revising for my exams, and this insane little vampire movie was playing at the Showcase. Back then, I was hugely into horror movies, read Fangoria monthly, and wanted to train in special effects to be just like my movie role model, Tom Savini. So it was no surprise that I knew many of the ins and outs of movies such as From Dusk Till Dawn long before I had access the wonder of the Internet! 

It's ten o'clock! No it's eleven! No it's lunchtime! No it's mid-afternoon!

This was one of those films few people seemed to know about. It has always been a cult classic, which kind of validates my point. Who the hell else cared about horror films like I did back then? Well, screw them, and screw revision, I was at the cinema by lunch time. I shared a whole theatre with a young couple and the one lonely, bespectacled guy that always sits right at the back of an empty room—the one guy I used to think was going to be me when I was his age.

I was only sixteen back then, and Dusk was rated 18, but who cared? Age restriction policies weren't as strict as they are today. Movies were just movies. Before the likes of the Columbine shootings hit the news and everybody blamed The Matrix, I saw dozens of adult movies without so much as a thank you from the staff taking my money.

With Dusk, I remember watching the extended pre-credits scene at the gas station and wondering if I hadn't wandered into the wrong movie. That was right up until George Clooney appeared, brandishing a .357 Magnum revolver and uttering the words, "everybody be cool. You! Be cool!"

Yup, they do not make films like that anymore, and special effects artists such as Robert Kurtzman of KNB no longer pay the likes of Quentin Tarantino $1,500 to write them a script. But what do you make of the news that some seventeen years later, Robert Rodriguez has now announced a ten-part series for his cable network, based on the original movie?

What he said!

"My pants.. my pants... my pants are on fire..."

The paranormal/vampire crime drama miniseries has just announced a handful of its stars, too, including D.J. Cotrona (left) settling into George Clooney's original role as Seth Gecko, the wiser and less psychotic of the criminal Gecko brothers.

If you, like me, felt that GI Joe: Retaliation wasn't such a bad movie (I may have killed Roger Ebert after a heated response to his team's critique of it), you may remember D.J. Cotrona played the acrobatic Flint, one of the cooler characters brought in to replace Channing Tatum after they saw the light and bombed his sorry arse!

"I hate my dad... and my freckles!"

 Meanwhile, a possibly more questionable choice is Zane Holtz (right) in the role of Richie Gecko, Tarantino's twisted, mentally ill, murderous, and psychotic brother to George Clooney in the movie. Not that Holtz doesn't have any success behind him. He's got The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Percy Jackson to his name, and in the past, I've questioned Rodriguez's choices in actors only to be pleasantly be surprised—Freddy Rodriguez's El Wray in Planet Terror was an amazing character despite him having been better known for Ugly Betty!)

My only concern is that they're replacing adult actors with pretty boys!

"Ole!"

Other characters make appearances as well. In the movie, we first come across Texas Ranger Sheriff Earl McGraw, originally played by Michael Parks. Now, for God's sake, if you haven't even seen the movie, I can't go and spoil if for you, especially now that Don Johnson of Miami Vice, Django Unchained, and Machete has been brought in to replace the inimitable Parks! This is still a good thing. Also, since fresh talent is needed, Jesse Garcia (left) of Sons of Anarchy plays Texas Ranger Freddie Gonzalez, a new character created for the series, and a character dedicated to hunting down the Gecko brothers on their escape from Texas right across the Mexican border. Garcia should be a welcome addition.

But I have one question... just one tiny, little, GIGANTIC/HUMONGOUS/GARGANTUAN question. Great, we have a basic cast of actors and characters, but if you love this movie as much as I do, you most likely love it for the same reasons I do, and few of these have been raised so far!

"Anything you got to say to him, say to me first!"

• What of faithless minister and grieving father Jacob Fuller, played by Harvey Keitel? 
• What of Vietnam veteran whack-job Frost? 
• What of crotch-rocket wielding acrobat Hell's Angel Sex Machine? 
• Hell, what of menacing vampire bartender Razor Charlie, played by long-standing Robert Rodriguez bad boy Danny Trejo?

"Hehehehe... you just been Trejoed... bitch!"

And not to be a wet towel or anything, I'm pretty sure there are plenty knockout actresses that could pull off a table dancing routine and would be happy to do so for television, but the replacement for Salma Hayek's Santanico Pandemonium is going to need something pretty special in terms of presence.

"SNAKES ON A PLANE! NNNNEEEEEEOOOWWWWNNNN..."

Otherwise, the synopsis as we know so far isn't much different from the movie, but in Rodriguez's own words:

"If the movie’s the short story, the series is the novel," says Rodriguez. "We have assembled an amazing cast and crew, and viewers can expect to be part of a wild ride when the series premieres on El Rey Network next spring."

From Dusk Till Dawn will debut on the El Ray Network this December as a one-hour series and will play through the first quarter of 2014, but another blow to many, upon being positive about this news, is that Miramax, producing studio and distributor of the original film, is distributing the series internationally in all territories with the exception of Canada, China, India, and the United Kingdom. Kind of defeats the object of stating "all territories," if you ask me. Of course, we here in the UK can only hope, as it's still the early days. If the series works and gets good ratings as it stands, then there will be more chance of the rest of us seeing it!